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In a surprise move the Union Cycliste International (UCI) announced today that it is disbanding.  "We have no clue what we are doing," admitted president Pat McQuaid. "I can't even tie my shoes," added the Irishman. In recent years, the UCI has come under increasing pressure to fold mostly because it has lost complete control over the sport of cycling. The list of issues not being effectively addressed by McQuaid in company is staggering. The UCI has been unable to mount any significant effort to fight doping in the sport and seems more interested in fighting petty, unimportant squabbles than dealing with the issues crippling the sport.


Addressing the status of the soon-to-be-defunct Pro Tour McQuaid remarked, "OK. It really was a poorly veiled attempt to get a chunk of ASO's TV money.  But, if you saw all the money those guys(ASO) were making, you'd go after it, too."  Concerning the fact the winner of the Pro Tour got only a jersey and no cash for winning the season-long series McQuaid remarked, "well, if ASO had given us some of their TV money, we would have given at least 0.01% to the winner of the Pro Tour."


The much publicized battle between the UCI and ASO for control of cycling was also addressed by McQuaid. "We were so successful promoting the World Championships that we searched to find races that needed our proven skills to take them to the next level.  Events such as the Tour de France and Paris-Roubiax may seem to be popular because they attract fans from across the globe and are shown on TV worldwide, but we at the UCI knew it was just smoke and mirrors. Besides they're (ASO) French."


Rider reaction was immediate. "UCI who?" remarked Juan Guitierrez.  "The sponsors sign my checks so I race where they tell me," added the AG2R rider. "The one thing I liked about the UCI is that they did so little out-of-competition testing that I could enjoy my privacy with my family and never had to worry about being interrupted while playing with my kids," noted Ben Braun of team Festina.


Who will replace the UCI? Who cares? All the riders want to do is race and all the sponsors want is to see their riders racing. Whether it is the IUD, IPO or any other three letter acronym running pro cycling it will, by default, be better.It is so easy, a caveman can do it.



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