A while ago, a few blog readers asked me how I started running. I spent a long time typing up a blog post addressing that question but it didn’t resonate. I think it had sound advice- slowly build up (I’d recommend starting with C25K, then a spring-training type program and then a marathon program), listen to your body, rest is important, embrace your supports and ignore the naysayers. But the thing is, none of that is new information. People who want to be runners can go to Active.com’s communities to find a wealth of information and support or Google “how to start running.” Then last night, while brushing my teeth, I figured out what I think the real answer is to how to start running: stop being scared.

Running is scary. You may be spotted looking tired, sweaty or walking. Neither spandex nor shorts are particularly forgiving. You could get stranded miles away from home after becoming exhausted and unable to continue.  Insert other scary scenarios. When I started running I had expectations for myself: I should be able to run a mile. “Heck, 4^th graders are expected to run a mile, it’s the least I can do. And I need to run it fast. I don’t know what fast is, but I want to be fast. Runners are fast.”

The mile was hard (what are they feeding those 4^th graders now, anyway?) and it wasn’t fast (clearly only Olympians run sub-9 minute miles). The problem with starting running is, why would anyone want do something that is both hard and scary? So I quit. It wasn’t until I had the goal of running a marathon that I had a bigger picture to find value in my “slow” runs. People tell me all the time: “I try running, but it’s so hard. I can’t go further than 3 miles.” The crazy thing about running is that, even as an ultrarunner, there are days when I struggle through a few miles. But that’s the thing: It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard is what makes it great. (5 imaginary points in Kat’s game of awesome if you can tell me where that is from )  I like that my sport is your sport’s punishment. I like that when my heart pounds, my lungs burn and my muscles ache that I feel alive. I like that even though running still isn’t easy, that over time and with training, it has gotten easier.

Then the bottom line would then be: How do you stop being scared and overcome the fear? Sorry, but I have no idea. They say to do something you fear every day. I don’t have such an active life that I have a daily opportunity to face fear. But when I realize that I’m scared to do something, the therapist in me asks myself two questions:

1. What’s      the worst that can happen?
2. What’s      the best that can happen?

Recently I’ve been starting to stare down my fear of biking. I’m so bad at biking I’m scared of pretty much everything about it: falls and cars and my clipless pedals and aerobars. Every time I’m about to get on my bike I get so nervous I actually get shaky. I could stop and say that biking isn't for me, but instead my fears make me realize how much I need the practice and that I only have potential for growth. And so far, every time “the worst” has happened (last weekend I ended up in a bush after failing to unclip- see below about losing the ego and having a sense of humor), I’ve gotten back up, no worse but for a bruise or a scrape (okay, or a few of both). But that’s nothing to be scared of, particularly when the best that could happen- improved fitness, a social outlet, competing in an Ironman- is incredible.

All smiles on a bike ride past Pittsburgh's skyline

I’ve also heard that you are most free when you have nothing left to lose. When I got back from Antarctica it was an incredibly powerful time for me: I had simultaneously realized how small the world is and how much I was able to conquer, all while losing one of the things that was most important to me. When Chris left me, I felt like a failure (don’t worry, that was short-lived). But when I felt like a failure as a person, what would happen if I failed at an ultramarathon? Nothing. My ego had been smashed and left on a glacier somewhere in the South Pole. I felt as though I had nothing left to lose. So I tried to run my first 50K. And I did it. It took training and hard work, but that’s all it really took to not only run a 50K but to start to put myself back together.

Antarctica: The place where I lost and found myself

I don’t want to sound flippant, but if you want to be a runner, then run. Put one foot in front of the other and don’t let your fear stop you. We all have bad days and insecurities. But what can set you apart from others is starting to conquer yours. Until you start competing, forget speed and time and leave your ego at the door. Be okay with “failure” (I use quotes because isn’t it a subjective concept so much of the time?), rejoice in the triumphs, laugh at yourself (or laugh at the image of me upside down in a bush) and be amazed at how far you will go, literally and metaphorically. Happy running.

It’s official: I’m tapering for JFK. I’ve been training for 4 months and have run three marathons, two ultras, and roughly 650 miles to prepare for this event. I’ve been hit by a car and been diagnosed with a heart arrhythmia. I’ve met a lot of cool people and even got my first sponsorship (thanks, Sugoi!). This has been one heck of a training cycle and it peaked with an awesome weekend of lots of running and friends.

Friday

I started Friday with a quick 5 mile run commute where I rocked a meeting and entertained questions about ultrarunning posed by my social development professor who seems so curious about my sport. That night I carbed up with the most ridiculous penne with shrimp, arugula, and sundried tomato dish. Make it, it’s so good!!

Beautiful trees on Fifth Avenue on the way into Oakland

Saturday

I was up at 5 to meet my friend Rich at 6:30 for a 30 mile training run. Yes, I realize how crazy “30 mile training run” sounds. I’ve known Rich since before I was a runner (yes, that Kat existed not too long ago) and he must be one of my biggest cheerleaders. He’s also a professional endurance athlete with major sponsorships who has gone after world records and just a few weeks ago finished in the top 10 at the US 50 mile National Championships. I did my very best to make it very clear to Rich that I just needed to get 30 on the books and I didn’t care about speed- in fact, I wanted to intentionally go out slow. I was worried that Rich wouldn’t be able to run as slowly as I needed to run, but he stuck with me the whole way, even through the wind that stole our words and the torrential rain that filled our shoes. We caught up on mutual friends and recent races, all the while keeping our first 5 five mile loops within 45 seconds of each other. He kept commenting on what great shape I was in (based on the consistency of our splits), how much potential he saw on me, and his belief that next year I’m going to qualify for Boston. I’m not sure I believe Rich, but I sure like him! We were entertained by a costume 5K with costumes that included: a porta potty, the Pittsburgh pierogies, and three blind mice. We also spotted and befriend Eric, another runner in training for JFK who was IDed as an ultrarunner when we saw him running while eating a piece of pizza. At the end of the day we stretched our 30 miles to a 50K and for the first time in the last four months I realized that I might be able to do JFK. Having those glimmers of hope and confidence were welcomed but overwhelming.

Check out the incredible sunrise. This was the only time we saw the sun all morning. Shortly after I took this, the clouds rolled in, the temperatures dropped and the rain fell.

Sunday

I slept in on Sunday. Rich had organized a trail run with some Pittsburgh ultrarunners at Ohiopyle, a state park an hour and a half away. Even with an extra hour thanks to daylight savings time, I needed every single hour on Sunday. In place of Ohiopyle, I ran 10 miles of trails around Frick Park which was just idyllic. It was serene and I felt cloaked in the vibrant yellow leaves. I was so moved that at one point I just stopped to absorb all the beauty around me.  The air was crisp, the leaves were crunchy and the sun beams found holes in the canopy to reach down and kiss me. There was never a better day for a run.

Homewood Cemetery across from Frick. You can tell what a beautiful day was from the bright sunshine and clear blue sky.

Total for the weekend: 45.75 miles. That’s a lot of running, but the miles were wonderful and I recovered well enough to wear heels on Sunday. As anyone who reads this blog knows, I value balance and people, so I can assure you that this weekend was not only about running. On Saturday night I was able to partake in Halloween festivities, on Sunday I finished my run in time to enjoy some amazing pumpkin pancakes at a brunch hosted by a friend and I spent Sunday afternoon drinking beer and eating chili with the Pittsburgh Triathlon Club.

I’m really surprised that all the hard work is behind me. It didn’t seem like work because I was so busy making it fun. I just hope that I can have as much fun at JFK as I did while training for it. Stay tuned: three weeks until my JFK race report!