Friday, March 13, 2009
I wrote my last blog when I was in Memphis waiting to sign in for the WTA event. I guess I probably don't need to tell you that I didn't get into either singles or doubles. Which was a terrible disappointment but I was still sick so it was probably a blessing in disguise.
After I didn't play in Memphis I went to Williamsburg to recuperate for a few days. I then flew to Denver-yes I said Denver -to train on indoor green clay for an outdoor red clay WTA event in Acapulco Mexico. I know what some of you guys are thinking. Venus Williams played that tournament! Well I was out of the tournament before she even left Dubai! HAHA
The day before I was supposed to play I woke up and I was just in an awful mood. I was eating breakfast and all of a sudden I found myself in tears. I knew it was time to call in some reinforcement aka mom. When she got on the phone I couldn't talk because I was crying so hard, but I didn't have to speak because my mom already knew what was wrong. How weird is that? She took the words right out of my mouth. She said "Meg I know you are tired, I know you are feeling confused and like you are lacking purpose. But what I know for sure that you are doing the right thing." She was right I was sitting the middle of the most beautiful resort thinking what the heck am I doing here. What am I doing with my life why am I playing tennis?
I was having what Kevin likes to call a crisis of meaning. What he, my mom and the rest of my support system quickly helped me realize is that my only goal in life is self mastery. It doesn't matter if I am hitting tennis balls or scrubbing tile floors. All that matters is that I do it to the best of my ability. Ultimately the question of what am I doing with my life was very easily answered... I am trying to master self. At this current moment the avenue through which I am mastering self is tennis.
Ok so let's get to the tennis that I still had to play despite the fact that I was having a complete melt down. I played a girl named Johanna Larsson from Sweden. It was a special match and I don't think either of us played particularly well, but she was victorious in the end. I could not for the life of my figure out how to return her serve. The apex of her kick serve was about a foot above my head... how was I supposed to approach that? Do you move up or do you move back and hit it at the fence and start of the point in a totally defensive position. I obviously never figured out the answer and I was usually caught hitting the serve at the top of the bounce. No good I tell you. I lost the match 6-4, 6-2.
Sign in for doubles closed the next day. So my task for the rest of the day was to find a doubles partner. The doubles cut off was a combined ranking of 308. So in order for me to have played doubles there I would have had to have found a partner who was top 100. Fat chance.... Here is how that conversation went. "Hi my name is Megan Moulton-Levy my rankings is 217. I am really good at doubles was ranked 1 in college. On the list it says you are looking for a partner, do you want to play?" The most polite response is "No I am sorry I am going to find someone with a better ranking." However, sometimes they elaborate. I have gotten "Who are you? I have never seen you before." Long story short these girls weren't giving me the time of day so Kevin and I hopped on a 5 hour bus to Mexico city at 6 o'clock the next morning to catch a 3pm flight to Tampa Florida so that I could sign in to play doubles at a 50K in Clearwater Florida.
I was lucky that I even got into double in Clearwater. The cut off there was pretty high too. 20 minutes before sign in ended it was like musical partners people were flip flopping left and right. But all that matters is that I got in, not with the person that I had originally planned, but that is ok.
I flew all the way there only to lose in the third set breaker. It was not a pretty match. I didn't poach at all- but I have recently found out that I never do!- I did not impose myself or my game on my opponents. Boy does Kevin not like it when I don't do that. Kevin and I set goals before every match and I often have difficulty reaching the goals. It is never for lack of trying or effort it usually just a lack of awareness of what is going on across the net. I get so obsessed with the fact that I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing and then I beat myself up for not doing it. I loose sight of the fact that I am actually playing another person. This is just one of the hundreds of things that I need to work on before I reach my potential. I guess a bigger lesson that I have learned is that there is no point beating myself up. That only makes the process longer. I just have to keep challenging myself to get out of my comfort zone.
And with that we were off to our next destination, Fort Walton Beach Florida. I seeded in the qualies and got a bye. Naturally I was I nervous. The biggest reason I was nervous was because I hadn't won a match the past two tournaments I played. The other reason is that I feel like I am on the brink of something big. When I say something big I mean I am making a huge effort to deal with all of my demons. Right now it is hard to deal with, but in the near future I am going to feel lighter and it will translate into my tennis.
Back to tennis-I am all over the place, I apologize. I lost my match 6-1 in the third. While I was upset about the loss I was also happy. Given my mental state it is impressive that I managed to put everything aside and go out there and compete and play well. With the exception of my serve everything else that I have been working so hard on was there. It all came together. Luck was just not on my side.
Luck was also on my side for doubles. I played with a girl named Heidi El Tabakh and we played very well to beat Riza Zalameda and Maria Alves. They are very tough and it was a great warm up for our next match. Second round we played the first seeds who had a combined ranking of 94! We lost the match 10-8 in the third set breaker, but it was a thriller. Someone came up to me after to say that that is the kind of doubles that people pay lots of money to see at the US Open. I can hang with the big girls!
Like I have said this blog is reflective of my current mental state-all over the place! There is one major thing that I have learned about the past few weeks; it is that no matter what curve balls you are thrown in your life you must keep keeping on. You have to keep putting the work even if you don't know why you are doing it. Because when you do eventually gain clarity and you have done the work the success is going to be that much sweeter.
Right now I am on my way to Egypt to play a 25K on red clay! Yay! I put in a really hard week of training in last week and I hope that it is going to pay off.
Until next time...
Megan Mouton-Levy
http://meganmoultonlevy.blogspot.com/
Supported by the Intercollegiate Tennis Association (ITA)
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