As a Raiders fan it took me a few days of contemplation, and calming down to even have the ability to put my fingers to the key board and put my thoughts on the page without throwing my computer out the window.

After what I consider a year in the right direction...I mean no one expected the Raiders to take it all but considering the recent state of the franchise and the first round draft pick that didn't sign until partway through the regular season the team showed promise. There were some small strokes of genius and if all those little strokes could pull together into one FULL game, we might have a change at success, but hey you can't ask for it all, they are rebuilding.

After the news coming out of Oakland this week...I am challenged with an internal struggle. Do I stand by my man...Mr. Autumn Wind?

As a San Diego resident I have watched all the transplants that moved here for the surf, the sun, the babes, switch from Lyons, Forty-Niners, Rams, and Jets fans turn on their team and around week 10 decide that the Chargers were their team. Its these same people that relentlessly tease and attempt to argue something they know nothing about with me, all they know is Chargers winning and good Raiders are the enemy, and since these individuals started really paying attention to the NFL losing.

Ok...that is not a good option...I refuse to become one of those people.

But how can I stand by a franchise that is making a mockery of itself? If I added up the time I have put towards my fandom, the money I have spent on merchandise and tickets, the 6 months I spent interning for the Raiders radio station, and all the heartache and tears, I have given my soul to the Raiders since I was 16. Yes, it has only been 8 years, as a running back fan I was dedicated to the Cowboys from age 6 until Emmitt Smith retired. I guess the only answer is to keep hoping praying and rooting for the Raiders, but pull out any further financial contributions to the diseased franchise being eaten away by the parasite that is Al Davis, until decisions are made and actions are taken that I can support as a fan.

I had issues with the team that started with draft day, and not just because I am a huge Calvin Johnson fan. When you are a rebuilding team, you need to spread the wealth around, but instead we put all our eggs in the basket that is Jamarcus Russell, and sure that basket can throw the egg an exorbitant amount of yards from its knees.  I don't know about you but I have never seen a quarter back have occasion to be on his knees, or strike that with the Raiders offensive line, the quarterback often ends up on his knees, booty, or back but at that point he is down...sacked and throwing the ball really is going to do any good.

I digress...not only do we keep the first round pick, but we pick an obvious egotist who holds out does not go to training camp or play with the team until well into the city. I am glad that he looked great sitting on the bench in those multi-carrot diamond earrings after he finally signed, glad a team was ready to contribute to his bank account, when he was obviously not prepared to contribute to the team.  After paying him that much...even with a horrible record and a high draft pick again, we have no money left to pay that pick. Where is the logic behind these decisions?

I got over my frustration slightly...when I got too see more than double the wins as the 2006 season, and some great individual performances.

All that hope for the future has been shattered in the off season, and then stomped on repeatedly throughout the last week of January.  Al Davis is obviously an egotist who needs to reconfirm his ultimate POWER to himself and those around him...to the point where he has become a tyrant ruling over the once powerful kingdom that seems to have lost its commitment to excellence. 

First there was Kiffin's decision to fire Ryan. When the defense has been the most successful portion of the Raiders, it seems ridiculous to fire the brain behind it all.  There is of course Monte Kiffin, looking for a new job, sure Monte is respected and has had a ton of success but I did think it was shady that Lane would fire Ryan to bring in his dad. So when Davis overturned this decision, I offered my support. I mean I like Lane, I definitely think he needs to be given a chance to develop and build something in Oakland, and maybe overturning one of his first big decision hinders that, but so far I was still supporting the franchise.

Then this week it all hit the fan. With the shady letter asking Kiffin to retire, mention of Dennis Green (who I think should stick to broadcasting), and the removal of any sort of power what-so-ever. Any glimpse of rebuilding is now down the drain. All hope I had that the franchise was turning around crushed. Basically the way I see it we are screwed until Ad Davis keels over and loses the strength to assert his dominance over the Raiders.  Last I checked football was a team sport, not a dictatorship. Leadership is necessary but two heads, or even the heads of 8 coaches are better than the one head of Al Davis that should be going senile any day.

I had decided to just attempt to avoid the NFL in 2008, not very possible considering I work in sports radio. That was until I heard my favorite Raider, Kirk Morrison, interviewed by Jim Rome during radio row at the Super Bowl festivities. He said next year he didn't want to be sitting there on radio row but playing in the game. I was floored by his undying optimism, and though I cannot take on the same sentiment, it reminded me of why I stand by my team, so even though my heart may get ripped out and stomped on in 2008 I am going to stand by my man, or men, the Oakland Raiders.

*This Blog was origionally written 9/17/07, I am moving all my blogs to Active.com*

1. The A's fail to complete a sweep of the Texas Rangers, not that it matters, since they are totally out of play off contention, but that may have softened the blow of the rest of the day.

2. The Raiders in Raiders fashion lose a game, in which they had 3 offensive fall starts (I think the Referees come to a Raiders game excited because they know they are going to get to throw that yellow flag), on a late time out call. I hope you enjoyed your 200th win Shanahan.

3. We got to watch Randy Moss perform like the Hall of Fame quarterback he is on another team.

I'll say it again, rough Sunday for East Bay Sports Fans. The only thing that salvaged the day in sports was the announcement that Don Nelson would be back to lead the Warriors for another season. Will they be able to save the year for East Bay sports fans?

I will just skip the A's loss, since it doesn't matter anymore this year whether they win or lose. I must just say that after sitting in the bleachers in Network Associates watching them sweep their way into the 2nd round of the play offs for the first time in years last season, it is terrible to see the poor level of play this season.

Now onto the Raiders. Being a Raiders fan in San Diego is hard enough, but try being a Raider's fan that works for the official radio station of the Charger Fans. I could easily just become a chargers fan, though after last night I don't know that it is that much better, but instead I keep my allegiance with my hometown team, and I think that deserves some respect!

Not that I thought the Raiders had a chance going into face Denver at home, but as an eternal optimist, I could be quoted saying to my roommate at 10am during the first set of games, "Maybe the loss to the Lions was a wake up call and they are going to come out hard this week and dominate." The problem with being a Raiders fans is they toy with your emotions. I finally was convinced that the Raiders had a chance to win this game.

I mean sure there were a ton of penalties, and of course the line judges seemed to continually spot the ball a foot or so in a direction that was a disadvantage to the Raiders, and Kiffin even showed a little extra effort by attempting and successfully completing an onside kick in the 3rd quarter, only to have to punt one first down later, and they lost the coin toss in overtime don't even get me started on NFL overtime rules, but they still had more of a shot to win a game then I had witnessed in a while considering they have lost 14 in a row to AFC west opponents and 11 in a row on the road. They still had a chance though, a chance to redeem themselves and in a sense redeem me as their fan.

I watched the defense, which was talked up throughout the off season as one of the best in the league, but did not live up to expectations in game 1, stop the Broncos giving the Raiders a chance in overtime. I watched Lamont Jordan's 33 yard run within view of that magical red line on the field marking Janikowski's field goal range. Then, I watched an attempted throwing play, as McCown gave up and threw the ball away. I mean sure its better than a fumble or an interception, but McCown, hold onto the ball and run out of bounds and get us a yard when every yard counts towards a made field goal and a win. Then I watched us pass that red line into field goal range.

Even after 3 missed field goals in week one, I was still optimistic. This could be it, this could give me a week of relief from the shit talking and maybe a chance to talk a little myself depending on the out come of Sunday night football. The field goal unit lined up, at this point I couldn't stay in my chair I was standing up in a room full of Chargers fans shifting side to side clinching my hands together so nervous I could barely watch the TV. Then the ball was snapped the kick was Good!!! I was jumping up and down and then I looked at the tv. It was, of course too good to be true.

Of course there was no video footage to see when exactly Shanahan called the time out, had the snap taken place, but of course the questionable call was ruled against the Raiders. Maybe having made the field goal already, Janikowski would have the confidence to make it again, but that, as we all know, was not the case. B*** SH**!!!

Usually an 0-2 beginning to a season would be ok knowing that we play the Browns next week, but after watching their back up quarter back complete 5 touchdown passes, and the team putting 51 points on the board against Cincinnati, nothing is guaranteed.

You would think the Patriots slaughtering the Chargers might ease my pain. I mean it did in the sense that the Chargers fans that surround me every day will not be silenced for a week, but watching Randy Moss's outstanding performances the last two weeks is just another twist in the knife in my heart. To think that we wasted all that money and a season on his whining and poor sportsmanship, only to have to let him go for less than half his value and watch him dominate, is just another way to ruin my Sunday.

The one positive was that the announcement that Don Nelson will be back with the Warriors this year. The Warriors have a chance to lift the spirits of down trodden East Bay sports fans everywhere. They can be our saviors, give us something to cheer for, something to believe in again, that's right "We Believe." This may be a lot of pressure, but maybe that will put a fire under them, if the reminder losses to the Jazz last season doesn't do that already.

So I will stick with my teams. I will get up next Sunday, pull on my old Woodson jersey that reminds me of the good old days, and root for my team again. I will follow all the wiretaps and off season reports on the Warriors, even maybe watch the episode of Lincoln Heights, yes that is an ABC Family show, that Barron Davis guest starred on for a brief minute last week. I will reserve my accommodations in Tempe and Scottsdale in March to watch the A's get ready for a new season. All the while hoping and even believing that against all odds things are going to turn around.

Marathon runners tend to be type A personalities that don't like to relinquish control, and this was definitely proven this weekend at the 30^th running of the Chicago Marathon by myself and the other 35,000+ runners who attempted the race despite the less than perfect conditions.

Since June 2006 I have participated in 4 marathons. Initially, I only wanted to do one, so that I could say I ran a marathon in my lifetime. After a decently successful first marathon at 4hrs and 40 minutes, I determined that I could probably become a sub 4hr marathoner, so I decided to run the 2006 Chicago Marathon. I arrived in Chicago to less than optimal conditions, but was able to run a 3hr and 56 min marathon in the 34 degree weather. After this success, I decided that I would continue to run marathons until I qualified for the illustrious Boston Marathon. After hitting that milestone I would finally listen to my 6'1" physique and arthritis ridden kneecaps and make the transition into cycling.

What better place to attempt to qualify for Boston, than the flat fast course at the 2007 Chicago Marathon. I had experience on the course last year, and had been able to take 45 minutes off my time, so it seemed that the 3 hr 40 min qualifying time was in reach. After training for 3 months, recording countless miles, running 3 half marathon races in preparation, cutting out alcohol from my diet for 2 months, lifting weights, and even taking up yoga, a sport not fit for my personality that doesn't like to relax, I found that though I could control my diet and mold my body, something completely out of my control would make my goal out of reach.

Who could predict that the weather in Chicago would top 90 degrees in October? (Officially the high was 88, but I passed a bank at mile 22 that said 94) That is almost a 60 degree raise in temperature from the previous year's race. Even hearing the warnings about heat exhaustion, over-hydration, and all the other issues that could arise when one pushes their body to do the near impossible in unbearable conditions, I remained confident. I had trained twice as much as I had for any other race, and I was a competitor. I had run the course before, so I had pictured each 8:20 mile of the course in my head and imagined my success as I crossed the finish line and earned the right to run Boston.

Unfortunately, my confidence could only get me so far, and things did not turn out as successful as I had imagined. The first 9 miles went as planned, the weather was decent, probably around 77 degrees, and the morning sun was casting huge shadows across the street keeping me cool. I was ahead of pace at the half marathon point, but the heat was starting to wear on me. Every water station seemed to take longer to arrive, and each time I would drink a Gatorade and pour 2-3 cups of ice cold spring water over my head, to the dismay of those behind me who came up to empty water stations.

I got to the halfway point, still on pace, but really starting to feel the heat, as it was well over 80 degrees at that point. My muscles ached in a way they hadn't in past races, and it became increasingly obvious that my goal was slipping away. I slowly watched as more and more people around me were beginning to walk. I started to pass extremely fit men with corral A bib numbers that had obviously gone out too fast to deal with the heat.

The other thing that became painfully obvious was that I had consumed too much water. My kidneys began to ache, so I slowed down and took a crank(energy and electrolyte gu) to try to increase the electrolytes in my body and prevent over hydration. I tried to drink less water at the water stations, but I was still unbearably thirsty. I ate some salt to try to help with the situation, and then the pain became unbearable. Around mile 15 I found a much needed porter-potty and proceeded to be sick for about 2 minutes, obviously a damper on my over all pace.

After that I felt well enough to run again, so took a deep breath and undertook the last 11 miles. I figured if I could run a 10 minute pace the rest of the way, I may not qualify for Boston, but at least my time would not be over 4hrs.

The scene for the last 11 miles became increasingly more astonishing. It seemed that every mile I would see 3-5 people passed out on the side of the race course with spectators attempting to get them hydrated with ice and water, and medical personnel running to their aide. Each water station I arrived at would have 3-4 empty tables where they had run out of water until I came to the end of the line, where the volunteers could not pour the water fast enough to hand it to the dehydrated participants. At one point the volunteers just began to take the 1 gallon jugs of purified water and dump it over our heads, which was refreshing for about 1 minute and then I was hot and thirsty again.

With about an hour to go, I came upon the first fire hydrant that had been opened to spray water across the street and provide relief to all of us participants. The relief was great at the time, but after running in wet shoes for an hour the resulting blisters and lacerations on my feet made me question whether the relief was worth it.

You know the race conditions are bad when even the pace team is dropping out, I passed various pace officials in orange singlets walking. Finally there was a mile to go, and I was one of the 10-15% people left running. The best comment I heard was from a British man in a Union Jack singlet. Around mile 24 he yelled in his British accent, "Thanks for the weather Chicago!" There was also a man in a Mexican singlet that ran next to me for about 100yrds with his head down just gasping, "Aye, Aye, Aye..."

At this point all hope of finishing in under 4hrs was lost, so not only would I not qualify for Boston, but I was going to finish with a worse time than last year even though I knew I was in way better shape. I rounded the corner to the finish and a police man yelled, "Please walk ma'am it is just a fun run, there is no time." In my head I was like yeah right, I can see the finish there is no way I am going to walk now.

I ended up crossing the finish line at 4hrs and 15 minutes, only to be bombarded by a bunch of people running across in the wrong direction. I later found that the race had forced everyone who didn't pass the 14 mile mark in less than 3 hrs and 40 minutes to turn around. These people wanted their finisher photo and medal so they plowed through those of us who completed the course ran across the line in reverse to then turn around and run across the finish line.

The scene at the finish line was the worst of any race I have ever seen. People were sprawled out all over the ground. Spotters were yelling from towers "Runner down, runner down" as people collapsed and volunteers were picking up people in wheel chairs and rushing them to the overflowing air conditioned medical tent. I rushed to the ice tent only to find that they had run out of ice. Luckily, a gracious fellow competitor had finished with his bag of ice so it was simply recycled for my use. After resisting the urge to puke for about 10 minutes I was composed enough to drink some water and stand up. At this point I heard the news. They had called the race and were forcing people to take busses back to the start.

I never would have expected the scene that day. Runners were not only hot and sick, but irate at the fact that they had not been able to complete the race. The Boston Marathon was run under similar conditions in 2004. The difference with Boston is that people have to qualify for Boston, so everyone is an experienced Marathoner. In Chicago, I think that no one had any idea what they were getting into. Even with the experience of 4 marathons I was not prepared.

I do not think that the marathon organizers are to blame, but then again I say that as a person who was able to complete the race. I witnessed people collapsing, some people walking deliriously, and it was obviously unsafe to continue the race, when they ran out of medical people and ambulances to respond to all the fallen runners. My father, who is 53, ran the race and finished. For the first time in his marathon running career (he has completed more than 20) he was stopped as a runner so that an ambulance could cross the course.

As I look back at October 7^th, I realize that I am not frustrated specifically with the heat, with the lack of water, or even with the race organizers. Instead I am frustrated with the fact that I had to learn that I did not have control. As a marathoner, I thrive on the fact that my mind is powerful enough to make my body take on an endeavor it was not designed for; my mind can control my body even when my body is telling me at mile 21 it doesn't want to continue. I learned that there are limits to this control on Sunday. I don't believe that training more, a healthier diet, or a better mindset would have improved my race, because the circumstances that took over were out of my control. So, its back to the drawing board. I must start from square one, and train for another race and hope that I make it to Boston in 2009.