Coach Houser:

I understand that coaches are human, and can get emotional, but my daughter's coach is extreme. So negative and mean to the girls. Some of them actually hate him. Is this normal? We've only dealt with a few coaches, and the majority of them are mean. I'm sorry for the bummer email. I guess you hear stuff like this a lot.

Your email wasn't a "bummer". It was real feeling from a real person.

And as for "he's human," that's not a good excuse for abusive, ridiculous behavior.

Sometimes I'll do something stupid, and my wife will support me saying, "You're human". I answer, "Yeah, but I'm a 47 year old human and I should know better. I must know better."

When coaches do stupid stuff, then they (a) better apologize reallyt fast or (b) better have a really good reason for it! Otherwise, their skill at working with their present team will vanish; and, their future ability to recruit players and the train players will suffer greatly!

If a person is coaching because they enjoy kids, then they won't abuse the kids.

If a person is coaching for some other reason (winning, the feeling of power, etc), then the coach may believe that the kids deserve that rough treatment. But, no. The coach is wrong. No one ever needs or deserves abuse. Especially defenseless children!

I hold coaches up to a higher standard than the average adult. I always have. Even when I was a teenager, I expected coaches to be better than the average adult. I thought that (and still do think!!!) coaches are supposed to be leaders and role models. And if they don't want to those things, then they should not be coaching.

Even when I was 26 and in my 1st year of coaching, I expected great things from myself. But, I didn't really know what I was doing. It seems I was screwing up daily. A strategy would backfire. Movitvational speeches would actually damage my team's efforts. A statement would hurt a player's feelings. My principal would just shake his head.

As I've gotten older, I've realized one very important thing. I hope that your daughter's coach will realize the same thing eventually. I've learned that I'll get more effort, dedication and loyalty from my players by smiling, being concerned about their school work, listening, encouraging, complimenting, being there for them, telling them how awesome they are, etc. Inversely, the meaner I am, the more I fuss, the more I embarrass the players, then the worse they'll perform. And who's to blame?

Tom Houser

Head Coach, 2008 and 2007 Roanoke Juniors 15's Open

Head Coach, 2006 Roanoke Junior 15 Nationals, JOVC Qualified

Director, STAR Volleyball Camps

Author, "I Can't Wait" Drill Collection and Ebooks

http://www.coachhouser.com/