Coach Houser:
I'm 28 years old, and have been coaching for 5 years. Gosh, coaching is still so hard! There is always someone questioning me, some parent complaining or some player breaking a rule. And sometimes I cause my own problems. Yeah, I will say something stupid, or punish a player when I shouldn't, or not deal with something I should have, etc. Do you have any words that will make me feel like there's light at the end of the tunnel?
Hey Coach!
Man, do your words bring back memories.
About 2 weeks later I said, "We're going to have a short Sunday practice." On Friday, the principal comes to my classroom and tells me that Sunday practices in Virginia are illegal. Oh. OK. Didn't know that.
I can guarantee you that as you get older, most of the "big" things will become little. They may even become afterthoughts. Many of the big things that are left will be delegated. So, eventually, as you coach longer and longer, you should be able to concentrate on the important stuff: coaching your team!
In addition, as you get older and have more attitude, the problems you have with parents and players should decrease also. I am now older than most of the parents, and I have probably averaged only 1 issue a month over the past 10 years. Really. And I don't think it's because the players and parents are scared of me. I sure hope not. But the players know that I will not tolerate disrespect, tardiness, skipping of practice, attitude, etc. And I think the parents know that there will be no fussing in public, no whining about playing time, and no sudden "Oh, Janice won't be at the next 4 practices" without some consequences.
If you're 25 or 30 or 35 and the parents are all 40 to 50, they may look at you as young and think you just don't know what you're doing. And they use your age to justify some of their bullying. If you never have had children, the parents may also tend to look at you as inexperienced and unknowledgeable in the area of understanding teenagers. More reasons to confront/question you.
Since I'm 50 years old and my stepdaughter is the libero at Radford University, I believe the parents on my team have a little more patience with me. They are more likely to say, "I guess Tom knows what he's doing." Notice that I said they're "more likely" to feel this way! Just wait until I do something stupid! And 45 year old parents know stupid when they see it! haha
Here's an example. At our first volleyball tournament in January, the parents and players thought we were done for the day and that we would leave the arena. Yes, the other three teams on our net were playing and working, while it was our turn to rest. Perfect! So I got the parents together and said, "There's a match on court 47 that I'd like the girls to watch." No sound. Nothing. Just stares. What's up? I was thinking to myself, "What did I miss? If we leave now, aren't we an hour ahead? Why can't we stay a little while?" Then I looked at my assistant, she pointed to her watch, I looked at mine and I was like, "Oh, my gosh. I thought we were an hour ahead. We're 30 minutes behind?!?!?! No problem, let's go find some supper!" The parents smiled, started talking again and we walked out together.
One more thing: I have better judgment now than I did when I was in my 20's and 30's, thus I do fewer dumb things......like fussing at kids in public, like not controlling my emotions, etc. I am more organized also. So I don't get lost leading the team to tournaments, I don't miss deadlines, I don't change my practice or tournament schedule unless I'm forced to, etc. Here's an example. I learned at Wednesday's practice that we had no court for Saturday night's practice. What did I do? At 25 years old, I may have cancelled practice. At 35 years old I may have told all the parents and players. But at 50 years old, I told the team nothing. One parent spent 3 days beating the bushes looking for a court. He found it on Friday night, so Saturday's practice was normal time, just different location. Perfect! No one had to know anything else.
Right now, I'm coaching the 4th straight team where the parents and I are working together. Yep, we're all one team. I plan on keeping it that way. Do I go out with them? No. Eat & drink with them? No. Do I visit their house? No. I am still Coach Houser. But we work together, we talk over some things, I listen to their ideas, and we respect each other. It's great!!
Now, let's spend a moment looking into the future. Let's say your coaching career doesn't evolve the way mine has. Let's say at 30, 35 and 40 years old, you're still battling the parents, being overruled by your administrators, having monthly heart-to-hearts with the athletic director, making bone-head decisions, etc. If those time-consuming coaching issues aren't subsiding, then you need to find out why! Hey, if my judgment has improved, anyone's can! hahaha You must discover what you are doing -- or what you aren't doing -- that continues to hold back the progress of your team! Maybe a coach at your school who doesn't have the same problems can help you out. Ask SOMEBODY. I have no sympathy for a coach (or for a teacher) who, after 10 or 15 years, is still having the same issues with players and parents that they had when they were just starting. How can such a person sleep at night? How is such a person satisfied with their job? And how do you think the parents and players feel when they discover they're on that coach's team (or in his classroom)? They say, "Oh, no, not HIM!! Oh, no."
Tom Houser
Head Coach, 2007 and 2008 Roanoke Juniors 15's Open
Head Coach, 2006 Roanoke Junior 15 Nationals, JOVC Qualified
Director, STAR Volleyball Camps
Author, "I Can't Wait" Drill Collection and Ebooks
http://www.coachhouser.com/
