I'm not sure what I was expecting of myself this past weekend. I stopped training for the marathon when my dad was diagnosed with cancer, having logged fewer than 50 miles in total during the six weeks leading up to the marathon, with my longest run standing at a paltry 12 miles. My IT band had been bugging me so much so that I had often worn my IT support brace to bed and to work. The week prior to the race, I hadn't been able to sleep well. It doesn't take a runner to know that this seemed to amount to a recipe for disaster, and I probably would be wise not to have high expectations come race day.
Similar story, different year.
Two years ago, I was in good shape and ready to compete, but I injured myself at around mile 10 by attacking the downhill too hard. By mile 12, every step I took on my left side sent shooting pain through my left hamstring, buttocks, and lower back. I had no ibuprofen, and the aid station wouldn't give any out. My coach rubbed some Icy Hot on my hamstring at around mile 21, which helped before my sweat carried it away. I missed my "easy goal time" (as opposed to my stretch goal time and expected goal time) by 50 seconds, and I sobbed to the finish, watching the clock tick past what I had worked for 16 weeks to accomplish.
Last year, I had great race support because Jeremy is an experienced marathon runner, but I knew that I had under trained and was pretty badly injured. I discovered during last year's training that my prior year's injury had not healed. My lower back was still very sore, and I had only gotten up to 16 miles in training before my MRI showed that I should refocus my attention away from running and on developing core strength. I found a fellow runner who was also suffering from an injury, and we hobbled along together during the race, even stopping to help other runners who looked to be doing damage to themselves. We broke off, as she decided to run a half marathon. I had actually been feeling pretty good last year, and I considered trying to make my "easy goal time" from the prior year, but I purposely decided to slow down to minimize my chance of injury. I was relatively unscathed, getting away with just a knee MRI following that race.
So, you'd think I would have learned this year that I am human and have physical limits. But, as I lined up at the starting line, and we were asked to think about why we were there running and who we were running for, I couldn't help but to shed tears and reflect on the fact that this will very likely be the last birthday my dad would have. This would very likely be the last opportunity for me to really kick *** and dominate a race and finally beat my "easy goal time" and tell my dad about it. Carol Lewis kicked things off and told us to look around and hug others after we reflected. (This is the Nike Women's Marathon, after all.) I was in no mood to hug or be hugged. I was in the mood to run. I was in the mood to kick ***.
My race mirrored my training. I started off really strong. I had been disciplined about my form and my speed, and I was running strong - perhaps too strong. During the race, I was banking time, and I thought that this was my year. At around mile 18, I started wanting to take a few more breaks. I was hungry, and the last thing I wanted was to work my jaw and chew on an energy bar or a gelatinous chunk of electrolytes. My legs were feeling the strain of having under-trained. At mile 22, I started to realize that I was letting my goal slip away. I picked up the pace a bit, thinking about my dad and thinking that as bad as I was feeling at that moment, my dad has felt worse just trying to get out of bed or to take a few steps down the hall. At mile 23, I swore at the mini-hill that carried me back to the ocean's edge. By mile 24, I needed to stop for a bit, and Jeremy rubbed my legs. They were weak and wobbly. I was crying from disappointment in myself that I didn't have the internal fortitude to ignore the intense physical pain I was feeling in my hamstrings and quads. By mile 25, I was doing the survivor shuffle to the finish. With each step, I tried to console myself. I knew my parents would be proud of me for crossing the finish line. I knew that I had under-trained, but given the circumstances, spending time with my family far outweighed spending time running. And, with the minimal preparation I had done, I had actually run a good race and didn't seem to have caused permanent injury. So, as I approached the finish line and Carol Lewis read out my name, I sped up just a bit to finish in under 4:33.
So, the marathon drama will continue until I'm satisfied with my race day performance, with the next chapter quite possibly happening in Napa during the first weekend in March.