Re: eating disorder success stories
HOLD ON TO HOPE!
I wasn't going to post but first I want to say recovery of an ed is one of the hardest things to do its not only a mental but physical addiction. You have to hold onto hope that life can be different and you can recover but it takes a lot of work,willingness to do what ever it takes,and learning to deal with uncomfortable emotions and cope in a healthy way. As for my story and I will say I'm still in recovery but wanted to share some positives,helpful ideas,but also some struggles along the way but you can do it because if I can as what many thought was a hopless case and I think as I sit here today if you don't give up there is no such thing but it is so hard.A little backround and sorry if this is such a long post. I suffered from anorexia/depression for 12 years and got help right away. It started I think as a way of expressing my depression and spiraled into a way of dealing with that along with self esteem,lack of direction,anger,family,I could go on. In the begininng I still functioned somewhat with school,job,friends so on. As the years past though my world got smaller I quit school,lost friends,jobs,etc. I became so depressed at one point not leaving my house but maybe once weekly for grocery shopping.My world became about starving and overexcersising. I had extreme self hatred,ocd,anxiety,so on. During this time I was in out patient treatment with the nutritionist,psych,therapist I would do better and gain but mentally little had changed. I reached a more normal weight but then tried to commit suicide. The weight was just a bandade but I still had all the same issues and didn't learn how to cope with them.Years later my weight went up and down. Things would get better mentally for awhile never great. I would try to go back to school but then quit same with jobs. I went in and out of ip treatments at the best residentail places,heart failure and was in cardiac units,dp so on. I did every treatment only to do good in the program to fall apart when I left. I lost all friends,jobs,family,my health was so horrible barely alive. No one new what do for me.
Finally after hundreds of thousands dollars spent,years wasted so on I realised I was looking for someone or some program to do recovery for me. I was looking for an answer or key.Something to make me want to recover. Yes I think support and I'm still in treatment is key but they can only support and not do it for you. Also in treatment I was always told once you give up the ed things will be great well for me it wasn't but I will say being healthy is the first step and a must in recovery. I had to face the things I didn't want to and rebuild the life of nothing I had.I had to cry through meals,push myself everyday out of the house even if it was just to a book store,deal with my family using my voice not my body,try to make firends through support groups so on. I had to accept the changes to my body and eating were scary and unknown. Its been about awhile and I have to say I'm the healthiest mentally I have been as an adult. I'm in nursing school,dating a little,at the healthiest physically with a period and eat a high cal meal plan still. I can find little pleasures now like I went rock climbing the other day or even in a sunny day. I still have my days where I cry through a meal but I do it just like if it were medicine. I still have guilt,anxiety but I journal through it. If I slip I go from that point on and get back onto recovery.I became active in my recovery doing the things I needed to do like reaching out when I didn't want to,eating with others,making myself get a job,gain weight,so on.I started listening to the guidelines set by my op team like I did when ip. Ok thats enough. You can do it but its not always sunny and bright but I promise you life can be better but you have to be willing to push through the fear. The support of a treatment team is important along with support groups. You though have to be willing to change and realise it will be hard but in the long run it is better then the mental and physical pain of the ed. Please hang in there..
It's very hard for me to cope with, I really sound like a baby. I should just accept the fact that I probably wont ever run fast like that again.. my BMI is on the low end of healthy, for anyone who was wondering. so I am just fine...
