Hi my name is Fast, Fast Forward (said in an Alabama Forrest Gump Drawl)

And the collective responds in unison?Hi Fast Forward?

Greetings all, This is my first post and I'm here to tell you, my wife Ilene Forward is mean;
Not only did she sign me up to run the Avenue of the Giants Half Marathon, she told me I needed to write a race report too.

So here is your race report dear:

I started running with my wife about a year and a half ago to spend more time with her, she was spending so much time running on the weekends, evenings and after work I started to think there was another guy on the side and that she really wasn't out running but putting on running gear, going out, and splashing water on herself just before she came home to make it look like she was sweating. Although I thought it odd that she was going to such effort by making her clothes stink really bad not to mention the rocking hard body she started to develop. I soon noticed that her butt and legs were becoming toner and firmer than mine, so I had to see what this was all about. So I started running with her and damned if she wasn't out......well.........running!!!! Just like a Female Forrest Gump!
And she was darn good at it too!
I would run 3, 5, 7, 9 miles with her but never any ?real distance? like YIKES 13.1 miles~ Until one day a few months ago she came home and told me that she entered in the Avenue of the Giants Redwood Half Marathon and then proceeded to tell me that not only were WE camping but that WE were running in it.......Um, excuse me dear, did you just say WE? Yep, she confirmed.
Long pause from me, OH.......OK. I said reluctantly and unassured.
So I, being a committed loving husband who is obedient did what any other committed loving obedient husband would do....... I started training with her.

I had one requirement though, I had to bring my motorcycle on the trip because this was in an area of California that has some absolutely incredible coastal dirt trails to ride and if I was going to be in this area and so close I wanted to hit the riding trails before I ran.
I pack our van with all our camping gear and try to stash a motorcycle inside and hope she doesn't notice, I thought I did a good job and REALLY didn't think she would find it....but she did


The first day our plan was to travel half way up California to my brothers house and stayed the night with him, his Wife and my Niece and Nephew and then continue in to the campground on the second day with my brother tagging along on his Motorcycle. No problems there

But.....the second day is when it started to get weird.

When we were about 10 or so miles from our campsite in the Redwoods along the Eel River on the Avenue of the Giants Highway we spotted a hitchhiker a guy wearing faded tie dyed tee shirt, shoulder length disheveled head of hair with one long braid on the right side dyed red, chanting something about making Love not War with an unlit marijuana cigarette dangling from his lips. I stopped because in these parts of California it is not uncommon to pick up hitchhikers who are all innocent hippies of a bygone era who are still living in the 60's flashing peace signs and loving everyone...all innocent people, besides we were in a full size van and we had the room. When we swung the doors of my van open we could not believe our eyes! I nudged my wife and said honey look, its Slo Jim!
COOL MAN!
His hemp haze was heavy and did not immediately know who we were or where he was going all he knew was that he need a ride and need a light for his unlit bud.
Just as we were pulling away a female came running from the bushes swinging a tambourine with a long flowing white skirt and gauze top with hair that easily reached the lower part of her back. I slammed on the brakes and opened the doors again, it was his wife Renee! Fortunately we knew where they were going.....the same destination as we were headed. So we were off to the Redwood campground!


We arrived to the campground and dropped them off at their tent and went off to set up ours.


I unloaded the bike and camp stuff and started dinner. Steaks, BBQ beans and green beans with Red wine......yeah, we really rough it when we camp!
I kept having to shoo Slo Jim away from my two ice chests full of food because he had the munchies bad, he was like a fly, relentless, but finally after much resistance he relented and fell asleep in the dirt next to his campfire after I had escorted him back over to his campsite for the umpteenth time. I tossed on another log for him and finished preparing my meal for my Wife and Brother.


My plan was to ride on Saturday, so I awoke early, made some Starbucks coffee, 1 lb of bacon and scrambled eggs with ham chunks, seasonings, cheese with toasted bagels........Yeah, Yeah, I know we really rough it when we camp. Anyway, After breakfast we were off, my brother and I off to fulfill a dream of mine, riding on the Lost Coast trails via Motorcycle! It turned out to be an amazing journey covering over 120 miles of pristine Redwood forest paralleling the turquoise Pacific Ocean except for my brothers bike that decided to develop an electrical gremlin at Shelter Cove 50 long sinuous miles from camp!
We left the bike in a parking lot after trying to field repair the problem with no luck so on the back of my bike he hopped and we beat feet back to camp.


We arrived to find Slo Jim leading Labduck, Mrs Labduck, Karl, Ilene, Tammy, Sherie, and Econo on a sing along of a song by Country Joe and the Fish singing;
It's 1,2,3 what are we fightin' for
Don't ask me I don't give a ****
Next stop is Viet NamAnd it's 5,6,7 so open up them pearly gates
There ain't no time
to wonder why
Whopee!
We're all gonna die


I reminded them that we had a dinner to go to in Weott, they finished humming a few bars and then wanted to hitch hike up there! I demanded that we all get into the available vehicles and drive up, they protested for a while but finally relented cause they all had the munchies and wanted to feast. So off to the Carbo load Spaghetti dinner we headed.


The dinner was definitely worth the drive, it was a little slice of Americana with the local Fire Department hosting a fund raiser dinner and selling local home made baked goods.
I ate rather quick because because my plan was to go and retrieve the stranded bike in Shelter Cove that evening.
It was 7:45pm when my brother and I piled in the van and took off. We arrived at 9:20pm hastily loaded the bike and booked it back to camp. We arrived back at our camp around 11:30 and immediately went to bed. I was OUT just as soon as my head hit the pillow! Got a great night sleep next to slumbering Ilene.


I Awoke the next morning to find that we had to break camp because if we did not then we would not be able to leave by vehicle until 2:30pm!! And we had a LONG road ahead of us so we decided to break camp Sunday am the day of the race and take the van to the parking/race start area which had some open roads to allow us to depart upon our completion rather than have to wait around for the conclusion of the Marathoners.

We broke camp no problem, even packed Karl in our van, and got to the race in plenty of time. Everyone was milling about talking and waiting in the traditional lines at the PortoJohns, I was too restless and needed to get warmed up rather than stand around in a line so I decided to go directly to the start line and elbow my way to the very front and warm up by running on the course for about a ¼ mile or so, there I found a Redwood tree that needed watering. No fuss, no muss, no LINES! Finished warming up and got in the front with all the elite runners. Funny thing is I did not feel worried in the least up there, in fact I felt great. The MC started to pump us up and then count down to the start, then the air horn and we were off!
I am fortunate, I have a great inner sense for where my body feels comfortable and knew not to be influenced by all the other runners because everyone has their own ?race paces? so I just ran my own race, it felt so weird having all those people passing me on the start but I did not care because I got to pee before the start! Hehehe
I was happy and remained so through out the race. The course wound on roads that went thorough magnificent Redwood forests alive with water, chlorophyll and various amounts of debris in decay from the deciduous monoliths.
Absolutely Magnificent were the sights, smells and sounds of that great forest.


My mile times were as follows:
First 7:25.32
Second 8.04.38
Third 7.40.99
Fourth 8.09.45
Fifth 8.25.36
Sixth 8.35.90
Seventh 8.46.43
Eighth 7.58.16
Ninth 8.09.86
Tenth 8.11.66
Eleventh 8.21.81
Twelfth 8.20.78
Thirteenth 8.17.37
Point one 51.76


Overall time 1:47.14


After the race we stumbled upon Tammy who was stoked because she set a PR and was trying to get everyone together to do some skinny dipping in the Eel River. She was desperately looking for the other Boomers.
Mr. and Mrs Labduck found their way to our group as did John2635 and all were very happy with performance and the race course. Everyone was stoked.
We had to take off because we had a long road ahead of us said out good bye's, we were off. Our plan worked and we had no traffic restrictions! Yeah, what a whirlwind run to Northern California! It was great fun and great friends just out for a run and fun.


I would like to give a shout out to all you runners who do this ?running thing? all the time everyday, day in and day out! You guys ROCK!
Running 13.1 miles is/was tough and from what I have heard, some of you do it all the time and to those of you who run Marathon's; you guys are absolutely insane!
MUCH RESPECT TO ALL.

Fast Forward




http://This message has been edited by MrFastForward (edited May-09-2007).