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20089 Views 248 Replies Latest reply: Feb 23, 2008 8:38 AM by Tymberlynn 1 2 3 ... 17 Previous Next
Aldo1105 Rookie 67 posts since
Dec 14, 2007
Currently Being Moderated

Dec 7, 2007 7:33 AM

Ladies, married without name change?

Anyone out there get married but kept your name?

I never assume someone getting married is necessarily going to change her name.  I always ask.  But now I am wondering what the etiquette is;  if you were Miss Jane Doe and didn't change your name, would you now be receiving mail, etc. as Mrs. Jane Doe?

  • RunsInGA Rookie 60 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    1. Dec 7, 2007 7:35 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    I didn't change my name, and I stick with Ms Jane Doe when I am choosing the prefix.  I can't control what the others do.  Most people just assume I've changed my name and use that - it only matters when they send me a check 

  • wannab001 Rookie 145 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    2. Dec 7, 2007 7:39 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    If/when I get married to my SO I will not change my name.  It's an outdated custom IMHO.
    And I like my name!
    I changed my name when I got married to my ex. and I always felt uncomfortable with it, like it was not who I was.
    So, never again.

  • joplus Expert 282 posts since
    Oct 11, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    3. Dec 7, 2007 7:51 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    I didn't change my name.

  • luckylily Rookie 242 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    4. Dec 7, 2007 7:57 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    I eventually changed my name, but not right away.

    Etiquette wise, if I had kept my name, I would be Ms. (first name, maiden name). Miss is solely for unmarried women. However, socially, regardless of what MY name is, I am Mrs. (husband's name)

    So, no matter what my name is, a social invitation addressed to Mrs. (husband's name) is correct, etiquette-wise.

    Everything else should be addressed to my actual name.

  • justplayin104078 Amateur 69 posts since
    Nov 1, 2006
    Currently Being Moderated
    5. Dec 7, 2007 8:03 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by wannab001:

    If/when I get married to my SO I will not change my name. It's an outdated custom IMHO.
    And I like my name!


     



    I'm a guy and I've never quite understood why anybody would want to take my name. I didn't fall in love with Mrs. justplayin. I fell in love with you.. whoever you are. You are not mine... I would almost prefer she not take my last name bc there's no reason behind it except that everybody's doin it...

  • justplayin104078 Amateur 69 posts since
    Nov 1, 2006
    Currently Being Moderated
    6. Dec 25, 2007 1:57 PM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by luckylily:

    I eventually changed my name, but not right away.

    Etiquette wise, if I had kept my name, I would be Ms. (first name, maiden name). Miss is solely for unmarried women. However, socially, regardless of what MY name is, I am Mrs. (husband's name)

    So, no matter what my name is, a social invitation addressed to Mrs. (husband's name) is correct, etiquette-wise.


     



    you changed your name with regard to politeness to everybody else ("etiquette-wise")? now i'm really confused. I'd rather keep my soul. !http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/confused.gif|src=http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/confused.gif|border=0!

    [http://This message has been edited by justplayin104 (edited Dec-07-2007).|http://This message has been edited by justplayin104 (edited Dec-07-2007).]

  • bigapplepie Legend 2,455 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    7. Dec 7, 2007 8:07 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    How do you know your not going to get divorced?

  • Chris the Wheeler019 Rookie 187 posts since
    Nov 1, 2006
    Currently Being Moderated
    8. Dec 7, 2007 8:37 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by justplayin104:

    I would almost prefer she not take my last name bc there's no reason behind it except that everybody's doin it...


     

    Tradition.... What's wrong with tradition?

    I can understand all the reasons for women wanting to keep their name. Personally, I find them mostly selfish. Now, if a woman had a career and a reputation built under her single name, of course you keep for for professional reasons. Especially, if she's making more money. Hell, in that case the guy might want to consider changing his name.

    Amy & I talked about it before our wedding. She had already planned on changing her name when we got married. Wasn't even an issue. Gotta love a traditional woman. Of course, she was marrying up. !http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/wink.gif|src=http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/wink.gif|border=0!

    And what about the offspring? Will they have both names?

    "This is my son: Micheal Sullivan/Smith." What if Micheal meets and marries Sally Wesson/Jones?

    "Ladies and Gentlemen, the bride and groom Mr. & Ms Micheal Sullivan/Smith/Wesson/Jones... " Seems a little silly.

    Tradition works.

  • janSport Rookie 267 posts since
    Dec 12, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    9. Dec 7, 2007 8:37 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    What the first 4 posters said.  It has never been an issue except with my MIL.  She insists on addressing everything to Mrs. DH.  Whatever.  I use both names depending on the situation, but my real name is the one I was given at birth.

  • luckylily Rookie 242 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    10. Dec 25, 2007 1:57 PM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by justplayin104:

    you changed your name with regard to politeness to everybody else ("etiquette-wise")? now i'm really confused. I'd rather keep my soul. !http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/confused.gif|src=http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/confused.gif|border=0!

    [http://This message has been edited by justplayin104 (edited Dec-07-2007).|http://This message has been edited by justplayin104 (edited Dec-07-2007).]


     



    Obviously, you don't understand etiquette.

    Regardless of what a married woman's name is, the proper way to address social correspondence is Mrs. (husband's name).

    All other correspondence should be addressed to her actual name, whatever that may be.

  • tklep Rookie 85 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    11. Dec 7, 2007 8:47 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    I did not change my name. I was going to and for some reason I just couldn't do it.  But Luckylilly is dead on with the etiquette. I also don't get too insulted when people address things to me with my married name.  It is getting abit annoying with my ILs, though, bcz they know I did not change my last name. But I am convinced they use their name (my married name) bcz they cannot spell my last name. 

    To answer CTW question, if I have children, they will take my DH's name.  I have no problem with that. It isn't bcz I did not want to take my DH's last name, it is bcz I did not want to lose my last name. But my name is not one that lends itself to be hyphenated.

  • luckylily Rookie 242 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    12. Dec 7, 2007 8:50 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by SloJan:

    What the first 4 posters said. It has never been an issue except with my MIL. She insists on addressing everything to Mrs. DH. Whatever. I use both names depending on the situation, but my real name is the one I was given at birth.


     



    Your MIL is a stickler for etiquette! Chances are she's not sending you business correspondence, so that would be the "correct" address.

    The thing that really blurs the line for me is things like fundraiser events where the husband is not invited/attending.

    In that case, fundraisers are often social events, but they are also, let's face it, business events. In that situation, I could see an invite going out to "Ms. Slojan" as opposed to "Mrs. Slojan's DH"

  • monster2077 Rookie 27 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    13. Dec 7, 2007 9:13 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    I didn't change my name.  Hubby is still smarting just a hair, but since he outright rejected changing his name and/or taking on a blended same I said screw it, why should I change the name I was born with if you wouldn't be willing to do the same.  Tradition kinda blows. 

  • justplayin104078 Amateur 69 posts since
    Nov 1, 2006
    Currently Being Moderated
    14. Dec 7, 2007 9:18 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by luckylily:

    Obviously, you don't understand etiquette.

    Regardless of what a married woman's name is, the proper way to address social correspondence is Mrs. (husband's name).

    All other correspondence should be addressed to her actual name, whatever that may be.


     




    I understand what etiquette means, what i dont understand is why you should be addressed by your husbands name and not your own...

    your answer would be a polite social trend - etiquette.  But there's no logic/sense involved.

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