What would you do... (in-law question) ...

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12 Replies Last post: Nov 19, 2007 2:09 PM by caribougrrl008

RioG

209 posts since
Apr 1, 2004

Nov 19, 2007 1:02 PM

What would you do... (in-law question)

I'm just full of sunshine and light today.

What would you do in situations where your future FIL makes racist remarks?

Specifically, in a conversation about a local convenience store, "well, nippers are the only ones who can run convenience stores you know."

I'm not even sure who "nippers" refers to, but I am assuming those of Asian descent.

Do you
A. pretend you did not hear anything and resolve to never become involved in a conversation with him other than "wow, nice day eh?".

B. Explain that what he is saying is extremely racist and truly offensive.

C. Ditch your SO because thinking of a life with a FIL like that is horrendous.

D. Don't have a clue... but C isn't really an option. (FWIW, C isn't an option... but severely limiting conversation with the FIL is, and be damned about the consequences.)

PS. Another huge reason why I do not want to travel with this man, especially on his dime.

farms100

139 posts since
Dec 14, 2007

1. Nov 19, 2007 1:11 PM

in response to: RioG

Re: What would you do... (in-law question)

I would say something. Sadly this sort of thing is often a by product of older generations. Usually born out of ignorance rather than any malicious intent.

I knew a few depression era people who used to use the phrase "jew them down" It made me very uncomforatble yet tolerated it for while. When I politely pointed out how that was anti semetic, a little light bulb would go off in there head, and they stopped using it.

RioG

209 posts since
Apr 1, 2004

2. Dec 20, 2007 6:38 AM

in response to: RioG

Re: What would you do... (in-law question)

quote:<HR>Originally posted by farms100:
I would say something. Sadly this sort of thing is often a by product of older generations. Usually born out of ignorance rather than any malicious intent.

I knew a few depression era people who used to use the phrase "jew them down" It made me very uncomforatble yet tolerated it for while. When I politely pointed out how that was anti semetic, a little light bulb would go off in there head, and they stopped using it.

<HR>

Ha! This man is on the good side of 60 yet... 57 maybe? Way too young to be using the "I don't know any better" excuse.

Out of my 85 year old Grandmother is one thing.

I find it hard to say anything nicely... so I usually don't say anything, but then feel guilty for that.

edited to fix my old and youngs.

http://This message has been edited by RioG (edited Nov-19-2007).

devholan

170 posts since
Dec 14, 2007

3. Nov 19, 2007 1:15 PM

in response to: RioG

Re: What would you do... (in-law question)

I'd say something. I had to explain to my IL's that in English we refer to people from Asia as "Asians", not "Orientals". English isn't their first language and they didn't know. And I've asked acquaintances not to tell racist jokes in front of me before.

Now, if the future FIL continues to make racist remarks knowingly, that's another story. Then just tell him that he needs to cut it out b/c it makes you uncomfortable. Unless he'd rather say those things than enjoy your company...his choice.

bigapplepie

2,636 posts since
Dec 14, 2007

4. Nov 19, 2007 1:16 PM

in response to: RioG

Re: What would you do... (in-law question)

Nippers = kids

RioG

209 posts since
Apr 1, 2004

5. Nov 19, 2007 1:18 PM

in response to: RioG

Re: What would you do... (in-law question)

quote:<HR>Originally posted by bigapplepie:
Nippers = kids<HR>

somehow I don't think so in this context... I'd google it but I'm on my lunch and don't want to be googling racist things on my work computer.

NYCross

191 posts since
Dec 14, 2007

6. Nov 19, 2007 1:19 PM

in response to: RioG

Re: What would you do... (in-law question)

Instead of lecturing him on racism, I would phrase your request as asking him to stop as a personal favor to you.

Sadly, you can't force him to stop holding racist views, but you can make it as easy as possible for him and you to coexist.

RioG

209 posts since
Apr 1, 2004

7. Nov 19, 2007 1:24 PM

in response to: RioG

Re: What would you do... (in-law question)

quote:<HR>Originally posted by NYCross:
Instead of lecturing him on racism, I would phrase your request as asking him to stop as a personal favor to you.

Sadly, you can't force him to stop holding racist views, but you can make it as easy as possible for him and you to coexist. <HR>

This sounds nice... but since it's my SO's father do you think I could get him to do the asking for me?

farms100

139 posts since
Dec 14, 2007

8. Nov 19, 2007 1:25 PM

in response to: RioG

Re: What would you do... (in-law question)

quote:<HR>Originally posted by RioG:
Ha! This man is on the good side of 60 yet... 57 maybe? Way too old to be using the "I don't know any better" excuse.

Out of my 85 year old Grandmother is one thing.

I find it hard to say anything nicely... so I usually don't say anything, but then feel guilty for that. <HR>

you should say something politely. If you can engage him in a intellectual discussion about it. You will make him start thinking. Ignorance can be fixed, but only if you can talk with people in reasonable manner.

Aslowhiteguy053

73 posts since
Jul 14, 2001

9. Nov 19, 2007 1:30 PM

in response to: RioG

Re: What would you do... (in-law question)

are you sure he was speaking of a certain race? i have never heard that term used in reference to anything other than kids. but i have heard the word, "nip" used in reference to japanese, but not for quite some time.

if he does make racist remarks, i would first discuss it with your SO who would probably be able to tell you the best way to handle it.

sometimes you just have to ignore the statements made by certain relatives. i know i do. i have an aunt who actually likes hilary. but we don't talk about her.

SandraDee041

229 posts since
Dec 14, 2007

10. Nov 19, 2007 1:30 PM

in response to: RioG

Re: What would you do... (in-law question)

I would probably choose something similar to option A. I just don't really like conflict so I would just complain about it later to my SO!

RioG

209 posts since
Apr 1, 2004

11. Nov 19, 2007 1:34 PM

in response to: RioG

Re: What would you do... (in-law question)

quote:<HR>Originally posted by Aslowhiteguy:
are you sure he was speaking of a certain race? <HR>

Absolutely certain. He was definitely being racist. I've just never put two and two together as to what race that term actually refers to.

But then again... I was quite old before I understood what being racist meant as well... so I'm not really up on my racist lingo.

I think I might see what my SO says... thank goodness he's not like his dad.

caribougrrl008

168 posts since
Oct 31, 2006

12. Nov 19, 2007 2:09 PM

in response to: RioG

Re: What would you do... (in-law question)

quote:<HR>Originally posted by bigapplepie:
Nippers = kids<HR>

silly boy, nippers = mosquitos

Rio, I usually say something along the lines of "what do you mean by that?"... and ask a million pointed questions... if it doesn't work initially to make someone rethink their attitude, if you do it often enough, they'll at least stop doing it around you in order to avoid the brouhaha.

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Nov 19, 2007 1:02 PM

What would you do... (in-law question)

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