So what is a good age to be married?
What are the most important things you should have in common? Athleticism? Money? Academics? Spirituality? Age?
or does none of it matter?
I think talk about how marriage takes away independence and reduces the joy in life is ridiculous. What you can't have in a marriage is self-absorptionn and selfishness - from either partner. You can, however, pursue some of your own interests and take care of your own needs. If you see marriage as all or nothing, my guess is something is wrong. And I mean that in a kind, not accusing way. Either YOU are the controlling one or for some reason you are attracted to controlling men. If you can figure that out, you'll be able to have a mutually satisfying relationship.
The best advice i ever got about marraige came from the strangest source: a million year old nun. I'm not kidding - well, maybe about the age part, but that's +/- by only a few years.
It was third grade. The nun, an ancient, Polish woman who i swear was a waitress at the Last Supper, told us that to make a marraige work, always put the other person first.
Now, there are times when we are all selfish, but if you can keep those words in your back brain, and try to practice them, you have a good shot at being happy because you're first consideration is to help your spouse be happy. If you both try, you have a winning formula, don't you?
I've carried that thought with me for 26 years and counting.
Am I a better runner because I am married? Probably not. If I was still single I'd have more time to train and I would be able to devote more of my finances to gear, power bars, shoes, etc. Am I a better person because I'm married? Absolutely! Since there is a lot more to life than running the choice is easy for me. Obviously marriage is not something that should be forced or taken lightly, but I think it would be sad if someone who was in a healthy relationship and seriously considering it did not get married because they were worried about having to give up too much independence. Also, the 50% divorce rate is distorted by the fact that certain people get divorced many times (this means that an individual actually has much less than a 50% chance of getting a divorce).
Hello and yes I know what you mean about never getting married. I too have never had the desire to "marry" and have kids and all. I instead chose to pursue a career, travel and settle down with my best friend - a dog! Life has been very fulfilling and while I love children and spend time with them, it's through my nieces and nephews. I get to spoil them and love them and have virtually no responsibility for them. I know it's selfish, however at least I'm truthful. I enjoy being on my own and going where I wish when I wish. Taking off in the middle of the night for a run or a bike ride if I want. Leaving at a moments notice for a weekend vacation if I choose. Some of my friends are still single, however most are not. My friends and family understand I am a free spirit!
I can't even begin to tell you how nice it is to read that I am not the only woman feeling this way! I've recently relocated to the South from the Pacific Northwest and so far the fact that I'm not married, or have never been married, isn't very well received. I spend a lot of time trying to explain how it's possible to be single and HAPPY. I too love to travel and experience the world and being married just doesn't allow me the kind of freedom I want in life.
Here's to knowing what we want and for following our dreams, regardless of how "weird" other people might think we are!
I think whether or not marriage is right is up to the person. Im 21 a college student studying elementary education with an certification in special education and live with my parents. Growing up all I have ever heard are my parents fighting but they won't get divorced, they also tend to drag us kids into their fights. My sister is 19, got married at 18 to a guy that is 27. When I am with them all they do is bicker. So right now do I want to get married? No I don't I don't want to fight with anybody I don't want anybody controlling me. I broke up with a guy not that long ago that said I paid more attention to this website, school, church, and being outside than I did about him. Which was probably true because he was abusive and I didn't want anything to do with him. But I also believe that God has made a soul mate for everybody, and marriages can be happy I have seen it happen. It is up to the person and the time in their life. Right now I am happy being single with no guy to boss me around, I have been raped and abused by several men including my dad who emotionally and verbally abuses me. It is always up to God too. Just live life, have fun be happy and be yourself!
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