Men - you talk too much! ...

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39 Replies Last post: Nov 30, 2007 11:35 AM by Fairytale04 Go to original post 1 2 3 Previous Next

nwrirunner

33 posts since
Feb 15, 2005

15. Nov 30, 2007 5:20 AM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

That's funny, cuz I dread the "we need to talk" bit.

ferrellk

84 posts since
Nov 22, 2003

16. Nov 30, 2007 6:26 AM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

I am not a talker. My mother says it is because my sister never shut up. I think I was just born that way and would have been very much the same with or without my sister's verbal wall surrounding me.

Oddly, the majority of the men I have dated in my life have been prolific talkers. (Sometimes about interesting things, sometimes not.) As well, I have several quite communicative male friends. I imagine I am seek them as a balance for my reserved nature.

I enjoyed the part of the article that discussed how men talk more when talking about decision making. I find this to be quite true from my experience. I enjoy sitting around a table full of guys talking. It is a fascinating geography.

Of course, individual variation will play a huge role here and I don't imagine this article / study is intending to say definitively how things "are".

The title, both of the article and my thread was designed to garner attention and provoke discussion.

Iontach

1,522 posts since
Dec 14, 2007

17. Nov 30, 2007 7:49 AM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

There's an NPR talk here[/URL" target="_blank"> about this by Deborah Tannen[/URL" target="_blank">. Her work, and Leaper's, is interesting and useful because of the myth that's grown up that women talk more than men.

It's Eskimo words for snow all over again, really.

makeda023

825 posts since
Aug 16, 1999

18. Dec 20, 2007 6:15 PM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

This looks like a good place for one of Iontach's favorite links...

Women: Know Your Limits[/URL" target="_blank">

ferrellk -- Yeah, I miss watching older men, like my father and his friends, talk. It's a lot of fun.

ok -- that was funny -- and could have been disastrous!

http://This message has been edited by makeda (edited Nov-30-2007).

Iontach

1,522 posts since
Dec 14, 2007

19. Nov 30, 2007 8:14 AM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

quote:<HR>Originally posted by makeda:
This looks like a good place for one of Iontach's favorite links...

Women: Know Your Limits[/url" target="_blank"><HR>

Exemplary UBB. My work here is done.

Iontach

1,522 posts since
Dec 14, 2007

20. Nov 30, 2007 8:19 AM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

quote:<HR>Originally posted by makeda:
ok -- that was funny -- and could have been disastrous!<HR>

But it raises an interesting philosophical question - if you had never met anyone, would you have a personality?

Ive got a crush on you

181 posts since
Feb 2, 2007

21. Dec 20, 2007 6:15 PM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

quote:<HR>Originally posted by ElDuderino:
Because makeda provided some commentary/opinion on said quote, while you seemed to regurgitate without clear reason. And I just felt like being a snarky ***, but that's more about me than you

http://This message has been edited by ElDuderino (edited Nov-30-2007).<HR>

I thought it was obvious that I was giving my own commentary by simply posting an excerpt that contradicts the previous poster's (including the OP's) take on the article.

And...as a female, I was trying not to say too much so as to avoid promoting stereotype.

ferrellk

84 posts since
Nov 22, 2003

22. Nov 30, 2007 8:27 AM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

I will not fling poo, I will not fling poo, I will not fling poo

Ive got a crush on you

181 posts since
Feb 2, 2007

23. Dec 20, 2007 6:15 PM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

quote:<HR>Originally posted by Iontach:
Is this true? I read it as saying that men are more talkative overall, and particularly when in mixed groups - regardless of topic - but that if the topic is the speaker hirself or when working with children (whatever that means), women talk more.

This[/URL" target="_blank"> is a bit more detailed (and doesn't support the "men talk more" claim as strongly).

Edited for coherence.

http://This message has been edited by Iontach (edited Nov-30-2007).<HR>

<shrug>

I never said men aren't capable of blabbering as much as the women are.

Iontach

1,522 posts since
Dec 14, 2007

24. Nov 30, 2007 8:52 AM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

quote:<HR>Originally posted by Ive got a crush on you:
I never said men aren't capable of blabbering as much as the women are. <HR>

No-one suggested that you did.

However, the idea that men and women produce vastly different amounts of conversation is one of those apparent "facts" that is peddled over and over again - here's a report of a claim[/URL" target="_blank"> that women talk three times as much as men, exposed as rotten science here[/URL" target="_blank"> (and I was delighted to note that the good old Grauniad mentions the Eskimo/snow drivel as well).

As for how this sort of nonsense gets started, Mark Libermann[/URL" target="_blank"> suggests

quote:<HR>"My current best guess is that a marriage counselor invented this particular meme about 15 years ago, as a sort of parable for couples with certain communication problems, and others have picked it up and spread it, while modulating the numbers to suit their tastes."<HR>

As you said, it's a stereotype, but it's one which is simply false. I think it's a good thing when falsehoods are exposed, don't you?

Ive got a crush on you

181 posts since
Feb 2, 2007

25. Nov 30, 2007 9:03 AM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

quote:<HR>Originally posted by Iontach:
As you said, it's a stereotype, but it's one which is simply false. I think it's a good thing when falsehoods are exposed, don't you?<HR>

Yes. But the stereotype exist because there's a lot of truth in it as experienced by people in general. It's probably true that a marriage counselor came up with the "stereotype" based on her/his experience in the field. It wasn't an invention, but an observation.

ferrellk

84 posts since
Nov 22, 2003

26. Nov 30, 2007 9:05 AM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

Here we go 'round the mulberry bush...

Iontach

1,522 posts since
Dec 14, 2007

27. Nov 30, 2007 9:11 AM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

quote:<HR>Originally posted by Ive got a crush on you:
But the stereotype exist because there's a lot of truth in it as experienced by people in general. It's probably true that a marriage counselor came up with the "stereotype" based on her/his experience in the field. It wasn't an invention, but an observation.<HR>

You don't think that this putative counsellor might have had skewed perceptions because zhe encountered men and women in a context where they were required to talk about emotion? It's a well-established fact that women talk about emotions more.

There's a world of difference between claiming that in a particular sort of moderated discourse, women talk more than men and claiming that women talk more than men in general. The first isn't disputed by anyone. The second is, according to careful work, simply wrong.

The entire point is that "people in general" can't experience differential data in everyday contexts, because it doesn't occur.

Ive got a crush on you

181 posts since
Feb 2, 2007

28. Nov 30, 2007 9:15 AM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

quote:<HR>Originally posted by Ive got a crush on you:
Yes. But the stereotype exist because there's a lot of truth in it as experienced by people in general. It's probably true that a marriage counselor came up with the "stereotype" based on her/his experience in the field. It wasn't an invention, but an observation.<HR>

..which is probably because men don't like to talk to strangers about their dirty laundry. And when the counseling session is mostly about him being blamed for all what goes wrong with their marriage, I see how men would clam up or refuse to participate in such gripe sessions.

Ive got a crush on you

181 posts since
Feb 2, 2007

29. Nov 30, 2007 9:26 AM

in response to: ferrellk

Re: Men - you talk too much!

quote:<HR>Originally posted by Iontach:
You don't think that this putative counsellor might have had skewed perceptions because zhe encountered men and women in a context where they were required to talk about emotion? It's a well-established fact that women talk about emotions more.

There's a world of difference between claiming that in a particular sort of moderated discourse, women talk more than men and claiming that women talk more than men in general. The first isn't disputed by anyone. The second is, according to careful work, simply wrong.

The entire point is that "people in general" can't experience differential data in everyday contexts, because it doesn't occur.<HR>

We're talking about the same thing. Yes.

My husband doesn't like to talk much about his emotions either, but he's no dummy. We can talk for hours about a wide variety of topics. Obviously, there's that comfort issue involved. He feels more at ease talking up a storm with me than anyone. But when we're at parties, he's the quiet one, just like every other man. While the women were the ones to break the ice. It's not a scientific claim, but it's not a false one, either. Because women seem to be more sociable in general, it's not too far fetched to assume that they talk more than men.

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