quote:<HR>Originally posted by Ive got a crush on you:
Ok, so what I am hearing from most of you is almost a complete resignation to the fact that all your minor kids will drink and do drugs. Am I correct?
<HR>

Its not hopeless.

I had a can or two of alcoholic cider when I was 14. When I got home my parents laughed at me for being drunk. The humiliation put me off alcohol for years

quote:<HR>Originally posted by bigapplepie:
Its not hopeless.

I had a can or two of alcoholic cider when I was 14. When I got home my parents laughed at me for being drunk. The humiliation put me off alcohol for years <HR>

I sure hope not. I pay close attention to my dd's behavior. We drive her pretty much everywhere she goes even though she can drive now,and most of her friends have cars. Still, I am not confident that she won't drink or smoke pot. It's possible, but not something I expect her to do unlikes some people seem to say around here.

My ds is probably least likely to cave in to his peers and do any of that stuff. There's something to be said about socially inept people. But I never say never.

quote:<HR>Originally posted by Ive got a crush on you:
Ok, so what I am hearing from most of you is almost a complete resignation to the fact that all your minor kids will drink and do drugs. Am I correct?

BTW, my dd has reported that about 60%+/- of the kids inducted in the NHS (she was accepted this year in junior year) drink alcohol on a regular basis, and some bragged about smoking pot on some occassions. I don't know if she's involved in any of those activities, but if she were, why would she tell me about them? I sure hope she's not doing any of that stuff. But I would be g-d'd if I say, "Yeah, she is probably drinking and doing drugs, but so did I (I didn't) when I was her age, but I turned out ok."<HR>

I'm just saying to be realistic and not have your head in the sand just b/c you have a "good kid".

Personally, I wouldn't serve anybody else's kid but my kids will be allowed to try alcohol at home. DH and I plan to model responsible drinking and to keep the lines of communication open.

:: Bonita

quote:<HR>Originally posted by Chasing Amy:

Back to the original topic, I don't care if an adult allows underagers to drink alcohol in their home, but please don't let them get behind the wheel of a car.<HR>

1!

A related story:
A good friend of mine entrusted her house to a neighbor's teen son while they were away on a weekend. Just before they headed home, she got a call from another neighbor reporting to her that there's a party going on at their house and wondered if they were home early. Nope. It was the teen neighbor holding a party with about 20 other kids in her house!

It was discovered then by the boy's parents that the kids were playing beer pong (all of whom are hs students under 18) and smoking pot in the basement. Some of the kids drove off and continued partying at their parents' beach house, 1.5 hours away. One of the parents blamed my friend's neighbor for allowing them to leave her house to drive. I couldn't believe his gall.

quote:<HR>Originally posted by BonitaApplebum:
I'm just saying to be realistic and not have your head in the sand just b/c you have a "good kid".

Personally, I wouldn't serve anybody else's kid but my kids will be allowed to try alcohol at home. DH and I plan to model responsible drinking and to keep the lines of communication open.

:: Bonita<HR>

My dd's candid reports on her peers' illicit activity has been quite an eye opener. I'm not putting my head in the sand.

And no, I won't be my kids drinking sponsor in my home. Certainly not to their friends.

As an aside, DD had a taste of an aperitif while dining in Paris last summer. I was non-chalant about it because she wasn't too eager to try in the first place. the restaurant owner served each one of us the complimentary drink. I thought it would appear rude to not allow to at least let them taste it. (I know I caved) DS (18 years old) took a sip too. I finished both theirs in the end.



http://This message has been edited by Ive got a crush on you (edited Dec-03-2007).

quote:<HR>Originally posted by cb:
Bonita - just curious, by "try alcohol" at home, do you mean a sip of wine or beer when parents are present, or will you let them drink what they want and possibly get drunk as long as they are at home?<HR>

Somewhere inbetween a sip and a bender, actually.

I'm okay with an older teen having a small glass of wine at dinner. I acctually think it's beneficial for kids to learn what it feels like to have a little alcohol in your system - not drunk of course, but more than what you'd feel from a sip, where the impact is non-existant. Learning what a little feels like is key in learning not to drink TOO much. I'd rather my kids figure that out before they start dtinking with their peers, where binge drinking is more common.

:: Bonita

hmmm...you can't deny that alcohol is a real nice social lubricant for pimply, self-conscious teenagers. I didn't drink or smoke in high school, but only because I was not in situations where it was available. I was an introvert, and stayed home most weekends. As soon as it was available to me, though, I heartily indulged.

Anyway, I plan on letting my future, older, teenage kids have a glass of wine with Thanksgiving dinner...why not? It's a special occasion. After a certain age, the decisions they make when I'm not around will be more of a reflection on them than me. It's not my parents fault I made irresponsible decisions as soon as I was out of their sight.

It's very easy to be misconstrued with online discussion boards when there's controversy, criticism and judgement due to various differences of opinion. That will always be a given and to be expected. There will always be neverending debate about how we raise our children, what our values and beliefs are, how we communicate with our families, how we approach concerns or worries, and how we deal with scary society.

I'm just very fortunate that DH, my kids, I and our friends collectively have a comfortable environment where we're not exposed to drugs and drinking. It's not our scene. Picky about who we hang out with? Choosy about friends and our social circle? You're darn right and we like it that way. I realize that our lifestyle isn't right for others but we're perfectly content with it in our own way.

I know in my heart that the majority of parents try to raise their families the best way they can and I do the same. We're just splintered and steering in different directions. However, in the end if we don't bungle raising our children, then we did something right regardless of how we did it.