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MikeDaMarine08 We're Not Worthy 2,498 posts since
Aug 14, 2008
Currently Being Moderated

Apr 7, 2009 8:22 PM

Daily Humor

Had a bad run? Feeling under the weather? Is your day in need of a chuckle?

 

Post your daily nyuk nyuk here.....

 

___________________________________________________________________________________

 

DISCLAIMER - The jokes contained within are intended for the amusement of the reader and do not reflect the views of the joke's poster. The humor is never personally directed at any particular gender, race, creed, national origin, state, age group, political affiliation, branch of service, choice of transportation or sports team affiliation. Additionally, some or all of the actions depicted in the following posts are not necesarily condoned by the poster. No animals were actually harmed as a result of any of these posts. Please have your pet spayed or nutered help us control the pet population, support your local SPCA.

 

Read at your own risk and remember, I don't write these. _____________________________________________________________________________________

 

Subject: Blondes & jigsaw puzzles

 

 

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle,

 

and I can't figure out how to get it started."

 

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

 

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help

 

with the puzzle. He gets there and she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a

 

moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

 

 

"First of all sweetheart, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

 

 

 

"Second, I'd advise you to just relax . . . . have a glass of wine, then put all these dam Frosted Flakes back in the box."





MCM '09, '10, '11

Richmond Marathon '09

RNR Arizona Marathon '10

RNR Mardi Gras Marathon '10

Shamrock Marathon '10, '12

Frederick Marathon '10

Madison Marathon '10

1/2 Sauer 1/2 Kraut Marathon '10

Baltimore Marathon '10

Outer Banks Marathon '10

Seashore 50K

Houston '12

Flying Pig '12

Next Race - MCM Baby!!!!!!

  • cplmtz0121 We're Not Worthy 2,455 posts since
    Nov 1, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    1. Jan 28, 2009 6:46 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    AND THAT'S HOW THE FIGHT STARTED...

     

     

     

     

     

    Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.  I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?'

     

    And that's how the fight started ...

     

     

    My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?''Yes,' I sighed, 'she's my old  girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't  been sober since.'  'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

     

     

    And then the fight started..... 

     

     

    I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?  Yeah, well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!  He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,  'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!'  So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'

     

     

    And then the fight started...

     

     

    I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium  rare, please.'  He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'   'Nah, she can order for herself.'

     

     

    And then the fight started.....

     

     

    A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.  She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'  The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'

     

     

    And then the fight started.....

     

     

     

     





    Hard-charging motivating Devil Dog

  • FormerBAM We're Not Worthy 4,378 posts since
    Aug 21, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    2. Jan 28, 2009 6:49 AM (in response to cplmtz0121)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    You boys ain't right.

     

     

  • dutch omi We're Not Worthy 5,642 posts since
    Jan 19, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    3. Jan 28, 2009 7:54 AM (in response to cplmtz0121)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Sicko, but funny Sicko!!!!!

  • Myblueeyedgurl Community Moderator 3,358 posts since
    Nov 19, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    4. Jan 28, 2009 9:37 AM (in response to dutch omi)
    Re: Daily Humor

    I love it! Thanks guys! Just what I needed.





    "You won?t lag behind, because you?ll have the speed. You?ll pass the whole gang and you?ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you?ll be the best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest. " - - Dr. Seuss
  • FormerBAM We're Not Worthy 4,378 posts since
    Aug 21, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    6. Jan 29, 2009 7:26 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Whassup with all the wife-bashing going on in this thread??

     

     

     

     

  • FormerBAM We're Not Worthy 4,378 posts since
    Aug 21, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    8. Jan 29, 2009 7:41 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

    LOL!!!!!!!! 

     

     

     

     

    Seriously, I'm glad I work at a home office.  Only my son looked at me like "WTF" when I doubled over at my desk laughing.

     

     

  • cplmtz0121 We're Not Worthy 2,455 posts since
    Nov 1, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    10. Jan 29, 2009 8:24 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

    LMAO, omg Mike, I'm crying over here, that was a good one. 





    Hard-charging motivating Devil Dog

  • FormerBAM We're Not Worthy 4,378 posts since
    Aug 21, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    11. Jan 29, 2009 12:19 PM (in response to cplmtz0121)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Slow news day??

     

     

    Dismemberment Threatened

     

     

  • Myblueeyedgurl Community Moderator 3,358 posts since
    Nov 19, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    12. Jan 29, 2009 12:33 PM (in response to FormerBAM)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    I was a little sad that they didn't provide pictures of Tina Fey. lol

     

     





    "You won?t lag behind, because you?ll have the speed. You?ll pass the whole gang and you?ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you?ll be the best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest. " - - Dr. Seuss
  • cplmtz0121 We're Not Worthy 2,455 posts since
    Nov 1, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    13. Jan 29, 2009 12:35 PM (in response to Myblueeyedgurl)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

     

     

     

    A child was asked to draw a picture on what she wanted to be when she grows up for homework. And here is the drawing:

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    (Here's the reply the teacher received the following day) 

     

     

    Dear Mrs. Jones,

    I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. 

    I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit.  I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it.    Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole.  It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.

    From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.

    Sincerely,

    Mrs.  Smith

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     





    Hard-charging motivating Devil Dog

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