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169309 Views 749 Replies Latest reply: Sep 16, 2011 1:06 PM by runnerJ824 RSS Go to original post 1 ... 12 13 14 15 16 ... 50 Previous Next
  • Jimmy_D_Jarhead We're Not Worthy 4,477 posts since
    Dec 15, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    195. Feb 22, 2009 3:21 AM (in response to Jimmy_D_Jarhead)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    While looking for a good funny I came across this and it applied in more ways then one.  The names have not, I repeat NOT been changed to protect the innocent.

     

     

     

     

     

    An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"

        The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"

     

     

     

     

     

    So true so true

     

     

     

     

     

    Jimmy

     

     






    This place is like home!!!!

  • Jimmy_D_Jarhead We're Not Worthy 4,477 posts since
    Dec 15, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    196. Feb 22, 2009 3:26 AM (in response to Jimmy_D_Jarhead)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

    Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

                                                                                    ~~~~~

     

     

     

     

    A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

     

    ~~~~~

     

    A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked.
    "Why, God tells me."
    "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"

     

    ~~~~~

     

    A father took his five-year-old son to several baseball games where The Star-Spangled Banner was sung before the start of each game. Then the father and son attended a church on a Sunday shortly before Independence Day. The congregation sang The Star-Spangled Banner, and after everyone sat down, the little boy suddenly yelled out, "PLAY BALL!!!"

     

    ~~~~~~

     

    A six-year-old was overheard reciting the Lord's Prayer at a church service: "And forgive us our trash passes as we forgive those who passed trash against us."

     

    ~~~~~~

     

    After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided to become a minister when I grow up."
    "That's okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
    "Well," said the little boy, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit and listen."

     

    ~~~~~~

     

    A Sunday School teacher challenged her children to take some time on Sunday afternoon to write a letter to God. They were to bring their letter back the following Sunday. One little boy wrote, "Dear God, We had a good time at church today. Wish you could have been there."

     

    ~~~~~~

     

    A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time.  The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started singing in a loud voice, "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

     






    This place is like home!!!!

  • dutch omi We're Not Worthy 5,642 posts since
    Jan 19, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    202. Feb 22, 2009 6:52 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Thanks Mike, I will just read one a day till they're done, I just scrolled thru them and saw that there were quite a few, so that will take care of my chuckle for several mornings.

  • dutch omi We're Not Worthy 5,642 posts since
    Jan 19, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    203. Feb 22, 2009 8:48 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Tight with God

     

     

     

    An 90-year-old man goes in for a physical.  All of his tests come back

    with normal results.

     

     

     

    The doctor says, 'George, everything looks great.  How are you doing

    mentally and emotionally?  Are you at peace with God?'

     

     

     

    George replies, 'Yes, God and I are tight.  He knows I have poor

    eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to

    go to the bathroom, poof! the light goes on.  When I'm done, poof! the

    light goes off.'

     

     

     

    'Wow, that's incredible,' the doctor says.

     

     

     

    A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife.  'Ethel,' he

    says, 'George is doing fine!  But I had to call you because I'm in awe of

    his relationship with God.  Is it true that he gets up during the night

    and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof!

    the light goes off?'

     

     

     

    'Oh my Gosh!'  Ethel exclaims.  'He's peeing in the refrigerator again!'

     

     

  • FLKaren Legend 1,195 posts since
    Aug 28, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    205. Feb 23, 2009 8:08 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

    40 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

     

    A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.  Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.  She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

     

    The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.

     

    The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old.

     

    The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should realize that they can't outsmart a female.....

     





    Dig deep, people, you can do it!
  • JerryX Legend 851 posts since
    Jan 18, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    206. Feb 23, 2009 9:13 AM (in response to FLKaren)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    I hope you have great running day!

     

     

     

     

     





    Happy Running!

  • dutch omi We're Not Worthy 5,642 posts since
    Jan 19, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    207. Feb 23, 2009 12:42 PM (in response to JerryX)
    Re: Daily Humor

    A  REDNECK LOVE POEM

     

      SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,

      SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.

      SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,

      SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

     

      PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,

      YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.

      I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,

      BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

     

      SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE

      AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL..

      BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,

      HE SAID, 'THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.'

     

      YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,

      AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.

      BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'

      I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

     

      BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,

      JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.

      MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;

      YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.

       

     

     

      (Kinda brings a tear to yer eye, don't  it?)

     

  • Immer treu We're Not Worthy 5,202 posts since
    Jan 23, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    208. Feb 24, 2009 1:08 PM (in response to dutch omi)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Divorce cost a redneck one trailer

    His meth lab his next to the jailer

    A third he did seek in the shade by the creek

    He soon was the holler's first sailor

  • cplmtz0121 We're Not Worthy 2,455 posts since
    Nov 1, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    209. Feb 25, 2009 11:15 AM (in response to Immer treu)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE

    A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

    "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

    The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

    The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

    "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

    "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

     

     





    Hard-charging motivating Devil Dog

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