so i just took a leave of absence from my roller derby league and subsequently my team a few days ago.  i did this because i've been having problems all season with team cohesiveness.  i tried to talk to my team captains about it at the beginning of the season but was pretty much shut down and told to suck it up and just skate.  i tried to do that and couldn't.  you see... the problem is this:  i am a jammer.  the jammer is the person who scores the points for the team by skating through a pack of blockers (4 from her own team and 4 from the opposing team) all the while in full contact mode.  i also should mention that i am 100 pounds.

it is a law of physics that i am virtually unable to completely fend for myself on the track and i need my pack of blockers to help me through in order to be effective if i am do do my job and score points for my team.  we have to work together in order to be successful. there is no other way.

so the problem is that i was first told to suck it up, then told to skate different (which i did), and then nothing changed at all.  i felt completely unheard and left all alone on the track.  my husband told me that in football if the guy with the ball runs and there are no holes then he simply doesn't go.  well... i am expected to still go if there are no holes.  i am expected to make my own holes.  did i mention that i am 100 pounds?  some of these women are double that.

so i felt a tangible disconnect from my teammates and captains and after a few more incidents i decided that i simply couldn't skate with them anymore.  i wasn't enjoying my time anymore.  this is my 3rd year and i'm not having any fun anymore.

so my question is this:  my LOA is up in april and i have to make a decision.  do i go back to my team and if so... how?  or do i drag out the last month of our season and then go into the draft and get onto a different team for next year after having been on this team since the formation of this league (and i was one of the founders)?  i am at a crossroads here... and i need some outside unbiased perspective i guess...  

any thoughts would be appreciated...