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168211 Views 749 Replies Latest reply: Sep 16, 2011 1:06 PM by runnerJ824 RSS Go to original post 1 ... 32 33 34 35 36 ... 50 Previous Next
  • Myblueeyedgurl Community Moderator 3,358 posts since
    Nov 19, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    495. Apr 9, 2009 7:13 PM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Sorry mike, not following on that one.





    "You won?t lag behind, because you?ll have the speed. You?ll pass the whole gang and you?ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you?ll be the best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest. " - - Dr. Seuss
  • cplmtz0121 We're Not Worthy 2,455 posts since
    Nov 1, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    497. Apr 9, 2009 7:25 PM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Mike, the water does not turn red, trust me, I tried it plenty of times....LOL

     

     

     

     

     

    However, have you unwrapped a snickers bar and secretly released it in the pool?  You'll love the reaction from everybody around you....LOL

     

     





    Hard-charging motivating Devil Dog

  • Myblueeyedgurl Community Moderator 3,358 posts since
    Nov 19, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    498. Apr 9, 2009 7:28 PM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Oh, Iwas always told bright blue! LMAO





    "You won?t lag behind, because you?ll have the speed. You?ll pass the whole gang and you?ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you?ll be the best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest. " - - Dr. Seuss
  • Charlie!2 Legend 1,128 posts since
    Jan 21, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    500. Apr 10, 2009 3:25 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Little kids study the sea...

     

     

     

     

     

    This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.

    (Kelly age 6)

    --

    Oysters' balls are called pearls.

    (James age 6)

    --

    If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island.  If you don't have sea

    all around you, you are incontinent.

    (Wayne age 7)

    --

    I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily

    Richardson.  She's not my friend no more.

    (Kylie age 6)

    --

    My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs.

    (Millie age 6)

    --

    When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the

    ocean.  Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would

    whistle to make the wind come.  My brother said they would be better

    off eating beans.

    (William age 7)

    --

    I like mermaids.  They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails.

    How do mermaids get pregnant?

    (Helen age 7)

    --

    Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting.  Electric eels can give

    you a shock.  They have to live in caves under the sea where I think

    they have to plug themselves into chargers.

    (Christopher age 7)

    --

    There is a lot of suckers in the ocean. The Mafia put them there.

    (Russ age 5)

    --

    A Dolphin breathes through an a$$hole on the top of its head.

    (Billy age 6)

    --

    When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my

    willy small.

    (Kevin age 6)

     

     

  • Charlie!2 Legend 1,128 posts since
    Jan 21, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    501. Apr 10, 2009 3:37 AM (in response to Charlie!2)
    Re: Daily Humor

    HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids)

     

    You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like

    sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep

    the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

     

    No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to

    Marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who

    you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10

     

    WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

    Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by

    then. -- Camille, age 10

     

    No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool

    to get married.

      • Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

     

    HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

    You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at

    the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

     

    WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

    Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

     

     

     

     

    WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

    Dates are for having fun and people should use them to get to know

    each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. --

    Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

     

    On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that Usually

    gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10

     

     

    WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS

    TURNING SOUR?

     

    I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the

    newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. bq. - Craig, age 9

     

     

    WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
    When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7
    The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with
    that - - Curt, age 7
    The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry
    them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8

     

     

    IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
    I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never
    going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.
    -- Theodore, age 8
    It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone
    to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

     

     

    HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

    There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? --
    Kelvin, age 8

     

     


    And the #1 Favourite is........

     

     

    HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
    Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a bus.
    -- Ricky, age 10

  • Charlie!2 Legend 1,128 posts since
    Jan 21, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    502. Apr 10, 2009 3:43 AM (in response to Charlie!2)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Eating Disorder?

     

     

    A woman asked her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast and maybe some grapefruit and coffee?" she asks.

     

     

    He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."

     

     

    At lunch time, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires. He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food."

     

     

    Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like maybe a juicy porterhouse steak and scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?" He declines again. "Naw, still not hungry"

     

     

    "Well," she says, "would you mind letting me up? I'm starving!"

     

     

  • cplmtz0121 We're Not Worthy 2,455 posts since
    Nov 1, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    503. Apr 10, 2009 6:51 AM (in response to Charlie!2)
    Re: Daily Humor

    She was standing in the standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the t-shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in almost awake she turned and said softly,'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'

     

    My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.'  Not wanting to lose the moment I embraced her and then gave it my all right there on the kitchen table.

     

    Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her t-shirt still around her neck.

     

    A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'

     

    She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'





    Hard-charging motivating Devil Dog

  • cplmtz0121 We're Not Worthy 2,455 posts since
    Nov 1, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    505. Apr 10, 2009 7:09 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor




    Hard-charging motivating Devil Dog

  • Jimmy_D_Jarhead We're Not Worthy 4,477 posts since
    Dec 15, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    506. Apr 10, 2009 7:31 AM (in response to cplmtz0121)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    cplmtz0121 wrote:

    She was standing in the standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the t-shirt that she normally slept in. As I walked in almost awake she turned and said softly,'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'

     

    My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.' Not wanting to lose the moment I embraced her and then gave it my all right there on the kitchen table.

     

    Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her t-shirt still around her neck.

     

    A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'

     

    She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'

     

     

     

    So what you are saying is that I need to break the egg timer?  I like mine hard boiled which takes a bit longer then your sunny side up ones!

     

     






    This place is like home!!!!

  • runnerJ824 Pro 168 posts since
    Mar 19, 2009
    Currently Being Moderated
    507. Apr 10, 2009 11:26 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor
  • dutch omi We're Not Worthy 5,642 posts since
    Jan 19, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    508. Apr 10, 2009 2:25 PM (in response to runnerJ824)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Subject: FW: MARIJUANA FILLED FIREWOOD

     

     

     

     

     

     

    'Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?'

     

     

    'Yes. What can I do for you?'

     

     

    'I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith...He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but he's hidin' it there..'

     

     

    'Thank you very much for the call,  sir.'

     

     

    The next day, twelve Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave.

     

     

    Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.

     

     

    'Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?'

     

     

    'Yeah!'

     

     

    'Did they chop your firewood?'

     

     

    'Yep!'

     

     

    'Happy Birthday, buddy!'

     

     

    (Rednecks know how to get'r done).

     

     

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