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168324 Views 749 Replies Latest reply: Sep 16, 2011 1:06 PM by runnerJ824 RSS Go to original post 1 ... 37 38 39 40 41 ... 50 Previous Next
  • FormerBAM We're Not Worthy 4,378 posts since
    Aug 21, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    571. Apr 21, 2009 6:52 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

    A doctor on his morning walk noticed an older lady sitting on her front porch step smoking a cigar.  So he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look!  What is your secret?"

     

     

    "I smoke ten cigars a day," she said.  "Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint.  Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week and eat only junk food.  On the weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don't exercise at all."

     

     

    "That is absolutely amazing!  How old are you?" said the doctor.

     

     

    "Thirty-four," she replied.

     

     

  • RunDaddyRunx4 Legend 1,037 posts since
    May 12, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    572. Apr 21, 2009 6:56 AM (in response to FormerBAM)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Wow Nita, you and her something in common.  Your both 34.





  • Jimmy_D_Jarhead We're Not Worthy 4,477 posts since
    Dec 15, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    573. Apr 21, 2009 7:51 AM (in response to RunDaddyRunx4)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Shawn your are determined to get a donkey(insert other name for donkey) kicking.  Nita already stopped worrying about outrunning you and has decided instead to just beat you up.  You are cruising and all of us other people here are just gonna be there to watch.  Cage fight on Friday race on saturday it doesn't get much better.

     

     

     

     

     

    Jimmy

     

     






    This place is like home!!!!

  • RunDaddyRunx4 Legend 1,037 posts since
    May 12, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    574. Apr 21, 2009 7:53 AM (in response to Jimmy_D_Jarhead)
    Re: Daily Humor

    I'm glad I can be your entertainment for the weekend.





  • Charlie!2 Legend 1,128 posts since
    Jan 21, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    575. Apr 22, 2009 5:24 AM (in response to RunDaddyRunx4)
    Re: Daily Humor

    This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
         You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable
         person to show you care.

    ***Well, my job is done! ***

  • Charlie!2 Legend 1,128 posts since
    Jan 21, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    576. Apr 22, 2009 5:27 AM (in response to Charlie!2)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    WHEN TEACHERS GET TO HEAVEN

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    A teacher dies and goes to Heaven. When she gets there she meets Peter at the pearly white gates.

     

     

     

     

     

    Peter says to her, "Welcome to Heaven. Let me give you an orientation first."

     

     

     

     

     

    So, Peter takes her to some beautiful mansions. The teacher asks, "Who lives here in these beautiful houses?"

     

     

     

     

     

    "These are for doctors. They did a lot of good on Earth so they get a nice mansion," replied Peter. Peter takes the teacher to some more mansions.

     

     

    These were more magnificent than the first.

     

     

     

     

     

    "Wow, who lives here?"

     

     

     

     

     

    "These mansions are for social workers. They did a lot of good on Earth but didn't make a lot of money so they get a better house."

     

     

     

     

     

    Peter took the teacher to some more mansions. These were the most gorgeous homes she had ever seen. They had huge columns, well manicured lawns, beautiful stained glass windows, the works!

     

     

     

     

     

    "These are the most beautiful homes I have ever seen,"

     

     

    exclaimed the teacher,

     

     

    "who lives here?!"

     

     

     

     

     

    "Teachers live here," said Peter, "they did much good on Earth and received very little money so they get the best houses in all of Heaven."

     

     

     

     

     

    "But where are all of the teachers?" inquired the teacher.

     

     

     

     

     

    Peter answered, "Oh, they'll be back soon. They're all in **** at an inservice!!!!!

     

     

  • RunDaddyRunx4 Legend 1,037 posts since
    May 12, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    577. Apr 22, 2009 6:10 AM (in response to Charlie!2)
    Re: Daily Humor
    Charlie!2 wrote:

    bq. This coming week is National Mental Health Care week.
         You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable
         person to show you care.

    ***Well, my job is done! ***

     

    Thank you Charlie for your support and concern.





  • Charlie!2 Legend 1,128 posts since
    Jan 21, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    578. Apr 22, 2009 6:14 AM (in response to RunDaddyRunx4)
    Re: Daily Humor

    NP!  Don't take it personally...It's for everyone here!  You just happened to be the last poster.

  • RunDaddyRunx4 Legend 1,037 posts since
    May 12, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    579. Apr 22, 2009 6:18 AM (in response to Charlie!2)
    Re: Daily Humor
    Charlie!2 wrote:

    NP!  Don't take it personally...It's for everyone here!  You just happened to be the last poster.

     

    Charlie, I took it as a compliment.  I've been unstable for many years.  I even have a catscan picture of my head from 2 years ago showing the lasting effect of the cerebral hemorrhage I occured while showing off by sliding down the banisters at my daughters soccer tournement.  needless to say, my balance is a little off as well.





  • Charlie!2 Legend 1,128 posts since
    Jan 21, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    582. Apr 23, 2009 3:50 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Female/Male Prayers

     

     

     

     

     

    FEMALE PRAYER:

     

    Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, one who's handsome, smart and strong.  One who loves to listen long.

     

    One who thinks before he speaks. One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

     

    I pray that he is gainfully employed. When I spend his cash, he won't be annoyed.

     

    Pulls out my chair and opens my door. Massages my back and begs to do more.

     

    Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind. Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"

     

    I pray that this man will love me to no end, and always be my very best friend.

     

     

    Amen.

     

     

     

    MALE PRAYER:

     

    I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge ***** who owns a

    liquor store and loves to golf. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a

    ****.

    Amen.

     

     

  • Charlie!2 Legend 1,128 posts since
    Jan 21, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    583. Apr 23, 2009 3:53 AM (in response to Charlie!2)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Email From God

     

     

     

     

     

    One day God was looking down at earth and saw all of the rascally

    behavior that was going on. So he called one of his angels and sent the

    angel to earth for a time.

     

    When he returned, he told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are

    misbehaving and only 5% are not."

     

    God thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second

    angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent him to

    earth for a time, too.

     

    When the angel returned he went to God and said, "Yes, it's true. The

    earth is in decline; 95% are misbehaving, but 5% are being good."

     

    God was not pleased. so he decided to email the 5% who were good, because

    He wanted to encourage them, give them a little something to help them

    keep going.

     

    Do you know what the email said?

     

    No?

     

    Okay, just wondering. I didn't get one either.

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