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  • RunDaddyRunx4 Legend 1,037 posts since
    May 12, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    585. Apr 23, 2009 5:57 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    MY YEARLY EXAM

     

    Went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basics. How much do you weigh?' she asks. '135,' I say.The nurse puts me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.The nurse asks, 'Your height?' '5 foot 5,' I say.The nurse checks and sees that I only measure 5'2'.She then takes my blood pressure and tells me it is very high.'Of course it's high!' I scream, 'When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!'She put me on Prozac. What a b!tch.





  • runnerJ824 Pro 168 posts since
    Mar 19, 2009
  • DCtoPgh Community Moderator 3,033 posts since
    Aug 15, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    587. Apr 23, 2009 1:54 PM (in response to runnerJ824)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    runnerJ824 wrote:

    [Man tries to pay bill with spider drawing|http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665847]

    Also see:

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     





    I do today what you won't, so tomorrow I do what you can't.


    My Blog | i2P

  • Charlie!2 Legend 1,128 posts since
    Jan 21, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    588. Apr 24, 2009 3:59 AM (in response to RunDaddyRunx4)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Here's the New Eye Exam part to go with your Yearly Exam.

     

     

     

     

     

  • Charlie!2 Legend 1,128 posts since
    Jan 21, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    589. Apr 24, 2009 4:11 AM (in response to Charlie!2)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    GREAT QUOTES by Women

     

     

     

     

     

    Inside every older lady is a younger lady -- wondering what the **** happened.

     

     

    -Cora Harvey Armstrong-

     

     

     

     

     

    Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out.

     

     

    But I can usually shut her up with cookies.

     

     

     

     

     

    The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

     

     

    -Helen Hayes (at 73)-

     

     

     

     

     

    I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.

     

     

    -Janette Barber-

     

     

     

     

     

    Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.

     

     

    -Lily Tomlin-

     

     

     

     

     

    A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.

     

     

    -Carrie Snow-

     

     

     

     

     

    Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.

     

     

    -Laurie Kuslansky-

     

     

     

     

     

    My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being, hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

     

     

    -Erma Bombeck-

     

     

     

     

     

    Old age ain't no place for sissies.

     

     

    -Bette Davis-

     

     

     

     

     

    A man's got to do what a man's got to do! A woman must do what he can't.

     

     

    -Rhonda Hansome-

     

     

     

     

     

    The phrase "working mother" is redundant.

     

     

    -Jane Sellman-

     

     

     

     

     

    Every time I close the door on reality, it comes in through the windows.

     

     

    -Jennifer Unlimited-

     

     

     

     

     

    Whatever women must do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

     

     

    -Charlotte Whitton-

     

     

     

     

     

    Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body

     

     

    starts falling apart.

     

     

    -Caryn Leschen-

     

     

     

     

     

    I try to take one day at a time -- but sometimes several days attack me at once.

     

     

    -Jennifer Unlimited-

     

     

     

     

     

    If you can't be a good example -- then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

     

     

    Catherine

     

     

     

     

     

    When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a  hearing loss. And they called ME slow!

     

     

    -Kathy Buckley-

     

     

     

     

     

    I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb -- and I'm also not blonde.

     

     

    -Dolly Parton-

     

     

     

     

     

    If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

     

     

    -Sue Grafton-

     

     

     

     

     

    I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears make s one you can ride on.

     

     

    -Roseanne Barr-

     

     

     

     

     

    In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.

     

     

    -Margaret Thatcher-

     

     

     

     

     

    I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house..

     

     

    -Zsa Zsa Gabor-

     

     

     

     

     

    Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

     

     

    -Eleanor Roosevelt-

     

     

  • Charlie!2 Legend 1,128 posts since
    Jan 21, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    590. Apr 24, 2009 4:17 AM (in response to Charlie!2)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Top 16 Country Songs

     

     

     

     

     

    16. It's Hard To Kiss the Lips At Night That Chewed my A$$ All Day

     

     

    15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You

     

     

    14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

     

     

    13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

     

     

    12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well

     

     

    11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

     

     

    10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

     

     

    9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

     

     

    8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here

     

     

    7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now

     

     

    6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him

     

     

    5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

     

     

    4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

     

     

    3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure

     

     

    2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

     

     

    And the #1 song:

     

     

    1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With Ugly Women but I've Sure Woke Up With A Few.

  • runnerJ824 Pro 168 posts since
    Mar 19, 2009
    Currently Being Moderated
    591. Apr 24, 2009 9:52 AM (in response to Charlie!2)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Cheap Wireless Headset

     

     

     

     

  • dutch omi We're Not Worthy 5,642 posts since
    Jan 19, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    596. Apr 26, 2009 7:57 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Good one Mike.

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