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169983 Views 749 Replies Latest reply: Sep 16, 2011 1:06 PM by runnerJ824 RSS Go to original post 1 ... 46 47 48 49 50 Previous Next
  • Immer treu We're Not Worthy 5,202 posts since
    Jan 23, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    720. Jun 17, 2009 11:51 AM (in response to Jimmy_D_Jarhead)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Mime in an elevator can be fun, too.........

  • dutch omi We're Not Worthy 5,642 posts since
    Jan 19, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    721. Jun 17, 2009 3:58 PM (in response to renegadejb)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Good one, need to print this out and try out one after the other and see which one gets the best reaction.

     

     

  • badgergrl Legend 738 posts since
    Jan 17, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    722. Jun 17, 2009 6:24 PM (in response to dutch omi)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    A woman just gave birth to a baby in a hospital

     

    As soon as she'd recovered, the doctor came to speak to her:

    "Your baby is in good health, but there's somethign important I need to tell you...."

     

    The woman became worried:

    "What's the matter with my baby....tell me please, what's wrong?"

     

    "There's nothing wrong, but your baby is a little.....different.  He's a hermaphrodite."

     

    "Hermaphrodite??? What is that?!"

     

    "Well....it means your baby is....that he has.....all the equipment of a man and also that of a woman!"

     

    The woman pales:

    "OH MY GOD!!! You mean he has a ***** AND a brain....?"

     

     

  • FLKaren Legend 1,195 posts since
    Aug 28, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    723. Jun 18, 2009 4:29 AM (in response to badgergrl)
    Re: Daily Humor

    LOL, now that's funny, Shell!





    Dig deep, people, you can do it!
  • RunDaddyRunx4 Legend 1,037 posts since
    May 12, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    724. Jun 18, 2009 1:45 PM (in response to FLKaren)
    Re: Daily Humor
    FLKaren wrote:

    LOL, now that's funny, Shell!

     

    I don't get it





  • dutch omi We're Not Worthy 5,642 posts since
    Jan 19, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    725. Jun 19, 2009 6:41 AM (in response to RunDaddyRunx4)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Now see Shawn, that's exactly what we mean!!!!

  • Jimmy_D_Jarhead We're Not Worthy 4,477 posts since
    Dec 15, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    726. Jun 19, 2009 7:49 AM (in response to dutch omi)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    I got it and I accept it.

     

     

     

     

     

    Jimmy

     

     






    This place is like home!!!!

  • dutch omi We're Not Worthy 5,642 posts since
    Jan 19, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    729. Jul 13, 2009 9:15 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

    ROTFL!!!!

  • RunDaddyRunx4 Legend 1,037 posts since
    May 12, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    730. Jul 13, 2009 10:34 AM (in response to dutch omi)
    Re: Daily Humor

    When to start Cussing...

     

    A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we started

    cussing. The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old

    continues, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say

    something with helk and you say something with a$$.' The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

    When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, helk, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.'

    WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.

    His mom locks him in his room and shouts, 'You can stay there until I let you out!'

    She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'

    I don't know, he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat a$$ it won't be Cheerios!'





  • dutch omi We're Not Worthy 5,642 posts since
    Jan 19, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    731. Jul 20, 2009 12:58 PM (in response to RunDaddyRunx4)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Older Women Are So Reasonable

     

     

    After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal.

    Now I have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, a nice big bed and Plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

     

     

    My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV"

     

     

    Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crises

     

     

  • badgergrl Legend 738 posts since
    Jan 17, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    732. Jul 30, 2009 2:30 PM (in response to dutch omi)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman..

     

     

    One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

     

     

    Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

     

     

    Also if she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

     

     

    She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.

     

     

    To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back.

     

     

    He would then arrange for the Child Support Payments to begin.

     

     

    One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

     

     

    'Honey, 'she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'

     

     

    'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.

     

     

    The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

     

     

     

     

    On the card was written:

     

     

    Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

     

     

    Three with meatballs, two without.

     

     

    Send extra sauce

     

     

  • RunDaddyRunx4 Legend 1,037 posts since
    May 12, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    733. Jul 31, 2009 5:52 AM (in response to badgergrl)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Thanks Shell...we sure do miss Mike around here.....Mikey, were you been?

     

     

     

     

     

    One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass..

     

    Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to  investigate...

     

    He asked one man, "Why are you eating  grass?"

     

    "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.  "We have to eat grass." 

     

    "Well, then, you can come with  me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said.

     

    "But sir, I  have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that  tree."

     

    "Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

     

    Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us,  also."

     

    The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I  also have a wife and SIX children with me!"

     

    "Bring them all, as  well," the lawyer answered.. 

     

    They all entered the car, which  was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine  was.

     

    Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer  and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us  with you."

     

    The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll  really love my place.

    "The grass is almost a foot  high."

     

     

     

     

     





  • dutch omi We're Not Worthy 5,642 posts since
    Jan 19, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    734. Aug 2, 2009 10:40 AM (in response to RunDaddyRunx4)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    The guys were all at a deer camp No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly.They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

     

     

    The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.They said, "Man, what happened to you?"He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

     

     

    The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

     

     

    The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night...

     

     

    Bob sat up and watched me all night."

     

     

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