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169981 Views 749 Replies Latest reply: Sep 16, 2011 1:06 PM by runnerJ824 RSS Go to original post 1 ... 46 47 48 49 50 Previous Next
  • FLKaren Legend 1,195 posts since
    Aug 28, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    735. Aug 5, 2009 8:41 AM (in response to dutch omi)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, And every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter';

     

     

    Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, And fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

     

     

    One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old.  If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

     

     

    To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

     

     

    The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal.  I'll take the both of you for a ride.  If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!  But if you say one word its fifty dollars.'

     

     

    Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.  The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.  He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, But still not a word.

     

     

     

    When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.

    I'm impressed!'

     

    Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, But you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!

     

     





    Dig deep, people, you can do it!
  • dutch omi We're Not Worthy 5,642 posts since
    Jan 19, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    736. Aug 5, 2009 12:44 PM (in response to FLKaren)
    Re: Daily Humor

      LOL!!!!

  • Stevemustangred Legend 681 posts since
    Oct 10, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    737. Aug 5, 2009 2:32 PM (in response to FLKaren)
    Re: Daily Humor

    I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to f @ rt. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my f @ rts with the beat.

     

    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

     

    Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.





    Lies Spectators tell Marathoners:   1) Last Hill!    2) Almost there!  3) You look great!

  • RunDaddyRunx4 Legend 1,037 posts since
    May 12, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    738. Aug 6, 2009 4:54 AM (in response to Stevemustangred)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Nice steve, just nice





  • dutch omi We're Not Worthy 5,642 posts since
    Jan 19, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    741. Aug 28, 2009 6:04 PM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Glad you're at it again Mike.  LOL.

  • runnerJ824 Pro 168 posts since
    Mar 19, 2009
    Currently Being Moderated
    743. Aug 31, 2009 8:50 PM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

    LOL, those are awesome!  Love the T &G closeness on the keyboard, let's see how long I keep my job after using it.  lol =)

  • Stevemustangred Legend 681 posts since
    Oct 10, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    744. Sep 3, 2009 8:20 AM (in response to runnerJ824)
    Re: Daily Humor

    I finally got around to goin' fishin' this morning but after a while   I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his   mouth, and frogs are good bass bait.   Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth,   I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in   my bait bucket.   Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without gettin' bit.   I grabbed my bottle of Maker's Mark and poured a little bourbon in   its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into   the lake without incident, and carried on my fishin' with the frog.   A little later I felt a nudge on my foot.   There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth.





    Lies Spectators tell Marathoners:   1) Last Hill!    2) Almost there!  3) You look great!

  • RunDaddyRunx4 Legend 1,037 posts since
    May 12, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    745. Sep 3, 2009 12:26 PM (in response to FLKaren)
    Re: Daily Humor
    • ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

    • Subject: Acts 2:38*

    • A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church*

    • Services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!' (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.)*

     

    • The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.*

     

    • As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.'*

     

    • 'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'*

     





  • PersianP Legend 468 posts since
    Oct 14, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    747. Oct 21, 2009 6:48 AM (in response to Stevemustangred)
    Re: Daily Humor

    That explains why it smells so bad when I pass someone with iPod!

  • RunDaddyRunx4 Legend 1,037 posts since
    May 12, 2008
    Currently Being Moderated
    748. Oct 28, 2009 11:07 AM (in response to PersianP)
    Re: Daily Humor

    I came across this and thought I'd share:

     

    You Might Be A Crazy, Obsessed Runner If........

     

    Found this on Facebook left by Cathy Pugsley. Thought it was funny! For anyone who is crazy and obsessed with running, or whoever just loves the sport...

    ...you can use "easy" and 10 in the same sentence
    ...your shoes have more miles on them than your car does
    ...you go to a golf course to run
    ...you schedule dates around meets
    ...you've been to a golf course in every city but not to play golf
    ...you find yourself saying, "it's not really a hill..."
    ...you're running and you don't know why
    ...more than half the people you know don't know what XC is
    ...you can't go a day without some little brat saying "Run Forest run"
    ...you've ever relieved yourself (1 or 2) in a heavily wooded area. Hell, it doesn't even have to be heavily wooded, just somewhere in the outdoors
    ...Ibuprofen is your recreational drug of choice
    ...You look into the toilet before a big race to inspect the size of the log you just dropped
    ...National collegiate "powerhouses" are Colorado, Stanford, Wisconsin, Oregon, and Arkansas....not Miami, USC, and Oklahoma
    ...you are from the US and you think in terms of meters not feet or yards
    ...you can look at a grass field and guess its circumference almost exactly
    ...you are up watching ESPN at 2am (when they actually show the race coverage)
    ...you have 5% body fat yet you don't live in Somalia
    ...you consider a 15 mile run a good cure for a hangover
    ... you are a man, you eat all the junk food that there is and still weigh 119 pounds
    ... you dont care when you hug a sweaty girl
    ... you can sit in the cold whirlpool and still hope you will have 15 kids
    ...ultimate frisbee is the only other sport your good at
    ..."Quarters" are not a monetary unit
    ...You have recorded a marathon or track meet over your wedding video
    ...Your fridge contains two types of drinks: Beer and gatorade
    ...you waste ridiculous amounts of time engaged in meaningless arguments and discussions about running
    ...you get hit by a car and you don't bother to get the license plate of the person who hit you because you still have 6 miles left to go
    ...your carry-on is a spike bag
    ...the first question anybody asks you once they find out you are a runner is "Have you ever run the marathon?" even if you explain that you are a miler or 5k runner - then they immediately lose interest in the conversation
    ...You say things like "long and hard" to your female friends and it is not a sexual inuendo
    ...You hate Runner's World
    ...you are used to the sound of a gun
    ...you make hundreds of left turns each week
    ...you and your teammates have meaningless debates about training, running, and coaching, especially when you're drinking
    ...you can run a beer mile faster than most people could run a regular mile
    ...you have running shoes in varying degrees of decomposition: used, well-worn, spent but still good, and useless-but-I-still-wear-them-because-they-still-feel-good
    ...you keep shoes and running clothes in your car so that if you're ever on a road trip and drive by a place thinking "it'd be sweet to run here..." you can get out and go for a run
    ...you sleep in your running shorts because they're more comfortable than whitie-tighties, not to mention you don't need to change for morning practice
    ...you can correctly pronounce names like "Hicham El Guerrouj" "Kennesia Bekele" and "Haile Gebresilassie"
    ...you've learned that shopping after a long run or hard workout for food is bad, because when you get home, you realize all you have to eat for the next week is queso dip, mission tortilla chips, and a 5 pound bag of twizzlers
    ...you've ever found yourself running around an airport thinking "if i can just get in three more miles, I'll meet my mileage goal"
    ...you've become a member of the "Century Club", and by that I don't mean the older brother of the "Power Hour". (100 miles in 1 week of training)
    ...you wear sandals despite having the ugliest feet in the world, along with several missing toe nails
    ...speciality running shops are better than the mall
    ...you get upset and impatient when results from the race you ran aren't posted online by the time you get home
    ...LetsRun.com is your homepage
    ...you spend so much time on LetsRun that any one of the following could/has happened: you've been fired, you've been divorced, you've failed 1 or more classes, you have a regular posting handle and participate in all the Brojos prediction contest, and/or you've actually won a LetsRun.com prediction contest
    ...you need a magnifying glass to see your name in the paper.
    ...you have chafing in strange places.
    ...you spend more on training clothes than school clothes.
    ...there's nothing like intervals to start the week off fresh!!
    ...you talk to your coaches more than your parents
    ...off-season training starts a week after Finals
    ...you run when you feel like it, be it 6AM or midnight
    ...you know what "Badger Miles" are
    ...you use "Badger Miles" on your long runs and easy days
    ...you have the guts to do the steeplechase
    ...you do anything to try to heal an injury except go to a doctor or athletic trainer because you know they will just tell you to "Stop running."
    ...you wear a black, plastic sports watch with your dress clothes
    ...you can remember a time from a race 4 years ago, but you can't remember your friend's birthdays
    ...Your heart rate is below 50 and you are not dying
    ...You know how many grams of carbs there are in a banana.
    ...You can name a person from Namibia, Djibouti and Zimbabwe
    ...You've said "she'd be one hell of a pole vaulter" at a strip club
    ...you are embarrassed to wear sandals because of your hideous sock tan, but you where 'em anyway
    ...you are not embarassed to show someone where your hamstring "really" hurts.
    ...you know splits are something that not only cheerleaders care about
    ...girls: you're embarassed to wear a bikini because of your shorts/bra/tank-top/t-shirt tan lines
    ...you have hundreds of safety pins scattered around your house
    ...you enjoy running in the rain
    ...you carry a waterbottle to every class
    ...you double knot all your shoes out of habit
    ...you have a watch tan that never goes away
    ...you feel naked without your stop-watch on
    ...you enjoy playing duck duck goose with a youth group knowing you can outrun them- you then get sad when no one picks you as goose
    ...when you pack a seperate bag for your running clothes
    ...when pasta is the only food you'll eat two nights before a race
    ...when you try to convince people to run a 5k because it's "only" 3 miles
    ...when your friends think they need to practice more before they can run with you
    ...Every time you see a runner when you're driving you feel like you too should be running, even if you ran 15 miles earlier in the day
    ...You shower about 12 times a week
    ...you're not a masochist, but you enjoy ironing out tight muscles and tendons on a foam roller
    ...You see your opponent shitting on the side of a road during a race and don't think twice about it
    ...You really have to take a **** during your 90 minute run, but without any leaves or toilet paper handy, you rip off the bottom half of your t-shirt and use it
    ...your toenails are black.
    ...you feel lost without your water-bottle.
    ...you have running withdrawl if you don't run everyday.
    ...you consider school as just a break between runs.
    ...your room smells like Icy-Hot and New-Skin.
    ...you are bankrolling your physical therapist's next vacation.
    ...your girlfriend can bench more than you.
    ...you can count all your ribs.

    Run Happy!





  • runnerJ824 Pro 168 posts since
    Mar 19, 2009
    Currently Being Moderated
    749. Sep 16, 2011 1:06 PM (in response to RunDaddyRunx4)
    Daily Humor

    COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

    ABBOTT:   Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

    COSTELLO:   Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.  

    ABBOTT:   Mac?

    COSTELLO:   No, the name's Lou.

    ABBOTT:   Your computer?

    COSTELLO : I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

    ABBOTT:   Mac?

    COSTELLO:   I told you, my name's Lou.

    ABBOTT:   What about Windows?  

    COSTELLO:   Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

    ABBOTT:   Do you want a computer with Windows?

    COSTELLO:   I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

    ABBOTT:   Wallpaper.

    COSTELLO:   Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.  

    ABBOTT:   Software for Windows?

    COSTELLO:   No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

    ABBOTT:   Office.

    COSTELLO:   Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?  

    ABBOTT:   I just did.

    COSTELLO:   You just did what?

    ABBOTT:   Recommend something.

    COSTELLO:   You recommended something?

    ABBOTT:   Yes.

    COSTELLO:   For my office?

    ABBOTT:   Yes.

    COSTELLO:   OK, what did you recommend for my office?

    ABBOTT:   Office.

    COSTELLO:   Yes, for my office!

    ABBOTT:   I recommend Office with Windows.

    COSTELLO:   I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?  

    ABBOTT:   Word.

    COSTELLO:   What word?

    ABBOTT:   Word in Office.

    COSTELLO:   The only word in office is office.

    ABBOTT:   The Word in Office for Windows.

    COSTELLO:   Which word in office for windows?  

    ABBOTT:   The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

    COSTELLO:   I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?  

    ABBOTT:   Money.

    COSTELLO:   That's right. What do you have?

    ABBOTT:   Money.

    COSTELLO:   I need money to track my money?

    ABBOTT:   It comes bundled with your computer.

    COSTELLO:   What's bundled with my computer?  

    ABBOTT:   Money.

    COSTELLO:   Money comes with my computer?

    ABBOTT:   Yes. No extra charge.

    COSTELLO:   I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

    ABBOTT:   One copy.

    COSTELLO:   Isn't it illegal to copy money?  

    ABBOTT:   Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

    COSTELLO:   They can give you a license to copy money?

    ABBOTT:   Why not? THEY OWN IT!

    A few days later...

    ABBOTT:   Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?  

    COSTELLO:   How do I turn my computer off?

    ABBOTT:   Click on   'START'.

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