Mar 25, 2010 3:53 PM
It Happened At Henry's
It's a tragicomedy.
The scene: Henry's Diner in Burlington, VT.
So, there's a NYP league (short season A) team in Burlington, as well as Lowell, MA, where Henry hails from.
They both play in the NYP Stedler division.
Henry is on a road trip up to Canada to see a prospect, when he stops in at Henry's Diner in Burlington, VT. There he discovers a 7' tall short order cook behind the grill. While the Sox game drones in the background, two of the diner's patrons, oldhardballer, an wizened old scout, and his n'er-do-well world traveling son (have to explain the Aussie accent mate), played 44Dodgers, and backed up by guys in the next booth, played by various eteamz extras, regale him with tales of the kid's 98 mph fastball. oldhardballer says he taught the kid everything he knows, and gave him the nickname they all call the kid by now:
The Burlington Lake Monster. The Lake Monsters is what the Vermont NYP team is called as well. The team was named after this local legend, not the monster in the lake, the kid. Well, that's what oldhardballer says.
Then, abandoning his road trip, and moving to Burlington, Henry gets The Lake Monster a 4 year scholarship to a D1 school, but ruins his career with some questionable advice when he wants to turn pro, and the Lake Monster eventually fires him as his agent. And then takes him back, in a teary scene.
TG plays the gruff (yet borderline psycho (dude, it's FICTION)) Lowell manager and assistant GM who initially refuses to sign the Lake Monster to a contract because Henry is his agent. Also, he doesn't want to poach a local from Burlington "for the good of the game", or other such Hollywood nonsense, but the Red Sox brass force him to. Theo Epstein makes a cameo appearance, as does Larry Luccino, as themselves.
Coach_44, the irascible yet strangely lovable manager of The Burlington Lock Monsters, in between selling DVDs between innings over the PA system, has the ELDEST trying to make a comeback with Burlington.
Hilarity and pathos ensues, when the Lake Monster beans The ELDEST during a NYP game in Lowell's lovely LaLacheur Park.
NA_Umpires, filling in for an injured umpire, ejects the Lake Monster, then TG, and then Coach_44 for good measure when he tells NA to start moving around because he's killing the grass.
Rich_Ives, taking in a game with his son, starts berating Coach_44 to protest under Rule 11.07(g)(1), subchapter 4, which clearly states, when atmospheric conditions allow for it that, well, before he can say, Mike_CVUA who also happens to be at the game filling in for the other injured umpire, and ejects Rich_Ives, and the when that suddenly goes pear-shaped, everyone else in the entire ballpark.
The Kid, visiting his Dad on a day off in between road trips with the big club, enraged by the ejections, joins his brother, the ELDEST, in beating the sh*t out of everyone in both dugouts, just because, and who you lookin' at, punk ?
ChalkLine, mascot for the Lock Monsters, and recently escaped from the Massachusetts Home for the Artistically Insane, has a tendency to paste slightly inappropriate pictures on every vertical surface at the slightest provocation.
Frank_B happens to be taking in the game, and regales everyone with his tales of how much better it was when the players wore wool uniforms, and had to throw a "fair pitch" underhanded.
Manny_A gets word of this, but the CIA gets involved because they mistake the term "Lake Monster" for an active operation, When The The Colonel's makes phone call to The Director (played by Daque) to "check this out ESPN", he mistakes it for a coded call for an air strike on the ballpark, and the F-16's are scrambled.
Tragedy is averted when Atlanta_Blue, from his perch in the scorekeeper's booth high above the Stadium, spots the incoming airstrike, and makes a call to the NFL Commissioner (played by Kyle_), who is also secretly the head of the NSA, due to a recent government oversight based on NSA and NFL having the same number of letters.
Lou_B drove Frank_B to the game, them being the B's Brothers, in Frank's lavender 1967 Cadillac Fleetwood.
When An Important Plot Point occurs, centered around the opposing manager needing The Lake Monster's pitch count, Lou_B was Johnny-on-the-spot - of course he had it, and on a 4-color form suitable for framing.
The Lake Monster's best girlfriend, played by Rita_C, was so impressed with that, and the '67 lavender Love Machine, she ran off with Lou_B and the car to his hideaway in Florida, leaving Frank_B broken-hearted, and without a ride home to Summaville.
Coach_44, the ELDEST, and The Kid, and TG all steal some cop cars from the UMass Lowell police station next door, shove Frank_B in the back seat of one, shove the Lake Monster in the back of another, and after a quick stop at the local packy for some "road trip refreshments", go all Smokey and the Bandit on us, as the film becomes a buddy chase flick for a bit.
Henry jumps in his limo to give chase too, in the hopes that the Lake Monster will take him back as his agent. But, Henry has earlier mistaken windshield washer fluid for transmission fluid, since he can't read the labels because THEY AREN'T PRINTED IN ALL CAPS. As Henry's limo races to catch the star-crossed lovers, his transmission catches fire, and his car explodes, careening off the highway, and onto a train bound for nowhere.
Lou_B, distracted by the explosion, slams the Caddy into a tree. Well, more of a sapling. The Lake Monster's GF, Rita_C, realizing Lou_B is an old fart with bad eyesight, decamps in huff. Lou_B decamps in a badly dented Cadillac.
Sirens wailing, the buddies pull up to our siren, true love prevails, John Henry pulls up in a limo, and hands the Lake Monster a big wad of cash and a big league contract, and the credits roll.
Who have I left out ?
How's that for a plot ? I mean so far ? I'll see if I can get the rest of the eteamz denizens into the game...
Merrimack Valley Umpires Association Board of Directors - http://www.mvua.org