Singleness equals loneliness.

This  is simply not the case. The only single people who claim to be lonely       are those who choose to be lonely.  One of the reasons why  singleness seems      so scary is because of the term itself:  Single.   It has almost      become a swear word in today’s society.  It creates  the image of a lone      person, going through life with no friends and  no family. Is this what you think of      when you hear the word  “single?”.  “Being single” only means the lack      of a marriage or  dating partner.  To call yourself lonely when all you lack      is one  person in your life is irrational.  A lonely single is actually      a  selfish single because their focus is on themselves instead of on  others.

• A  relationship will help me feel better about myself.

A       relationship is not an insurance policy for happiness,  satisfaction, or      fulfillment.  A relationship will not magically  solve or cover up your      problems.  Forget about all the  perfect-couple images painted by the      media.  Relationships actually  magnify existing problems and create new      ones.  Part of being in a  relationship is learning how to solve      problems.  If you can’t  solve problems on your own, you won’t be able      to do so with someone  else.

Abraham  Lincoln said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up       their mind to be.”

• If I’m  single and can’t find anyone, it means something is wrong with me, or       that I’m a failure.

Being single can be very unsettling and can  certainly make people ask      themselves, “Is there something wrong  with me?”  The answer is no.       Every one of us has something wrong  with them.  Nobody on this planet      is perfect.

Failing at something does not make you a  failure.       Regardless of how many times you have attempted and  failed, it does not mean      anything is wrong with you.  It simply  means that there are changes      that need to be made.  However, you  should      try to look at what you have done and make an effort to  change what you know      isn’t working.  Use  this time to take an inventory of      yourself and see if there are any  personal areas you think you could improve      in.

• Being  single is unacceptable and I must be in a committed relationship as       soon as possible.

Look at the prejudices and stereotypes many  people have about being single.  Almost nothing positive is ever assumed  about singles.  Our own negative attitudes lead to fears and anxieties  about being single.  That is why a positive attitude is your first line  of defense.  Because of the many prejudices society has against singles,  it’s easy to believe that being single is boring, sad, depressing,  unfulfilling, and a negative experience that should be avoided.  These  unrealistic statements only serve to make the problem some have with  being single worse.  If you believe such statements, then you have  probably pursued relationships for the wrong reasons.  Remember that you  have to be happy with yourself first.  However, it’s difficult not to  buy into these myths.  The first step is to recognize the myths and  realize they are not true. Then we have the opportunity to resist them  by being examples of happy singles.  Think about your prejudices towards  being single. What negative thoughts do you have?

• Singleness is meant to be a “waiting period” for finding the right  person.

This  may be true for some, but it’s not an across-the-board fact.  If this       is made the main focus of singleness, it actually becomes  overwhelming.  You      may have heard the term “waiting for the ship to  come in.”  That creates the      fallacy that one day, you will find  that special person and then your life      will suddenly become  meaningful.  The idea of “waiting” can give you the      false  impression that something is missing.  This can have a serious       negative impact on your life.  You may put off certain plans and aspects  of      your life until you happen to meet someone.  As time goes on,  you’ll realize      that you have been wasting your life away.  It may  get to the point where      your only goal in life is to find someone,  and you’ll find yourself feeling      unmotivated to take care of other  things.  Don’t put your life on hold just      because you are single.   You are the only one that decides how you will live      your life.  You  can make the most of it, or you can let it waste away; it’s      your  choice.  None      of us knows what is going to happen in the future,  and if you are presently      single, this is a time of opportunity for  you.  Your singleness is      what you make of it.  It can be a good  experience if you want it to be.  So,      instead of wasting time just  waiting around for the “right one”, use your      time as a single to  get to know the person that is responsible for making      you happy –  that’s you.

• Accepting singleness is giving up or admitting defeat.

Accepting  singleness is not a defeat; it’s a victory.       Despite the way it  sounds, accepting singleness does not mean resigning the      rest of  your life to an unhappy state of being single.  Accepting       singleness means that you      have conquered your fears and anxieties  about being single.  It shows      that you do not buy into the myths  and stereotypes about being single.       It is not easy to accept  singleness and many people think they can’t do it,      or will even  refuse to do it.  When you accept singleness, you are      declaring  that you are strong enough to do life on your own, and that you       don’t need another person for a crutch.  It shows that you are       independent.  Accepting singleness means you can resist the constant       feeling of needing to be a part of a couple, regardless of the  influences      around you.  You are making the most of this time in  your life instead      of wasting time in unnecessary despair.  Lastly,  and most importantly,      it means that you are happy with who you are.

• There  are no advantages to being single.

As  much as I didn’t want to use tired old clichés in here, the saying  “every      cloud has a silver lining” applies here.  Remember that  there are two sides      to being single.  As I mentioned earlier, it’s  easy to focus exclusively on      the negative aspects of being single.   This can lead us to the false notion      that there are no advantages  to being single.