I am at a bit of a loss of what to write tonight. I was supposed to blog yesterday, but I wasn't feeling it then either. I had a great run yesterday -- W6D1 of C25K is complete, and I have just about a month left to go. Tonight's blog is just a bit of scattered thoughts.
I have a weird issue with sharing my running progress with my friends. For whatever reason (my own insecurity), when some of them ask me how my running is going, I feel stressed. If they suggest we run a race together, I nearly shut down. It makes no logical sense, I know, but I guess I feel patronized. Again, this is entirely in my own head. My friends are kind and sincere in their interest; it just triggers some sort of feeling of inadequacy in me. However, I have two friends with whom I can share my progress and not feel this way. We are all comparable in ability and progress, and we are planning to run a 5k and 10k together. I am excited and energized when I talk to them, and I am so glad that I have them.
I am frustrated that I haven't lost weight. I used to be able to just increase my exercise and pay a little more attention to what I eat, and I would drop weight easily. Now, I have maintained the same weight for six months. It feels like it just won't budge. I have started using http://www.myfooddiary.com , and I hope that will help me to realize what it is I really am eating. Otherwise, I am heading back to Weight Watchers. I know it works; I was just hoping to do it a different way this time.
I think I have Success Avoidance issues. I learned about this yesterday at a workshop (I teach high school). It was supposed to help us see how we can reach our students, but I really ended up diagnosing myself. I have sabotaged my efforts to accomplish things time and time again. I don't know why exactly; I think it's a combination of a few things, but I definitely have the issue. So, I am recognizing it, but I am not engaging it. I refuse to fail this time. I will run that half marathon. I will finish. I will succeed.
From Marianne Williamson:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you notto be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about s.hrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
For the glory of God, for my daughter, for me . . . I will succeed