Okay one thing I am getting quite frustrated with here in lovely Australia is the lack of high speed internet.  I am losing precious minutes, hours and days of my life waiting for pages to load. Something as basic as searching Google can really set you back- nevermind the fact that wireless internet is just non-existent.

By entering, "Why the hell is the internet so slow in Australia?" I got this hit:

http://www.zdnet.com.au/news/communications/soa/Australian-broadband-among-world-s-worst-OECD/0,130061791,339280104,00.htm

It's been TEN MINUTES and the page still aint showin.  I would think I just got bad luck at this specific internet cafe or a slow connection but it's been this way everywhere I go. There just isn't high speed internet. Damn. And I really wanted to make this post interesting but I guess I'll have to wait for Kevin Rudd, the new prime minister who just won a referendum election earlier this month, to fix my high speed. He's made it one of his top priorities, and the Australians aint gonna know what hit them when it does.

My brothers and sisters a whole new world of livin and multi tasking awaits, with chat protocols, video conferencing, social networking, (working), and a range of vocabulary from youtube to xyz-tubes to suck up all your free time. You need to be pissed for not gettin it sooner. Now I better publish this shit now so I can get out of paying more than half an hour at this slow mofo operation.

The most serendipitous thing happened last Tuesday night while out at the Stonewall Hotel (bar) in Darlinghurst.  I had just commented to Brian that while it was thrilling spending all this time in a hostel held hostage by the language barrier of German backpackers who are friendly as ice, and as much as I really did love getting free meal tickets to straight drunk happy hours where wet t-shirt contests seem to be the order of the day, it would be very nice if we soon made our first real friends (read: gay friends).

So off we trot down Oxford street with our bellies full and a pint glass somewhere with our name on it.  As we saunter into the Stonewall I am immediately spotted by a tall English bloke who from across the room rudely points in my direction shouting, "Look it's another FREAK!" Now in any other bar I might not be surprised to be singled out, but this was karaoke night and the hostess who was presently hanging out a window in drag taunting passers by was missing a substantial lot of her top row of teeth. So it was with relief and astonishment that I should discover what was meant by the comment when one of his friends suddenly turns around to look my way. He was, in fact, a freak just like me with an EYE PATCH covering his left eye!!!

It was then that we met our first real friends in Sydney: Will, who wasthe one to point me out, and Adrian the one eyed bandit who was my wonder twin. We all had a good laugh at our interesting situation and proceeded to toast the occasion with a seemingly endless round of schooners (beer). As it turns out Adrian is recovering from a rare viral illness that has menaced his eye. And of course, I basically suffered a hyphema the day we were set to move to Sydney after losing a

fight with a window. It really is incredible that we should not only both have such terrible luck but that we appeared in the same place at the same time WORKING the new look which a mandatory eye-patch invited upon us. I mean, we are gay men after all, how dull would it be to cry at home

with the one good eye about our misfortunes? As luck would have it, we have gotten along very well indeed and these first friends of ours have witnessed us finding a terrific one bedroom in posh SURRY HILLS , and invited us to a smattering of social events in the last few days to really welcome us to their fabulous city and our new home: Sydney, Australia.

Here I am trying out my new Sony GPS unit which unfortunately registered nothing at Bondi Beach.

Xmas in Summer anyone? It's really strange to see decorations of snowflakes and icicles all around here too!

Brian and I posing for our camera at Hyde Park. What's with the dude in the background and whatever is he HOLDING?? 

And here is an early image of me the night of the injury, and an impression of what my left eye sees from the viewpoint of my shower (hat tip to Dat Pham for the lovely orchid).

It's funny how things work out sometimes. I mean how the unexpected things which occur in life often allow for more time, reflection and perspective.  Today I was supposed to move to Australia with Brian. Any reasonable person could easily tell that we were woefully unprepared as far as packing. In fact, I unfairly snapped at one friend during our going away party after he glanced about at our room at declared, "This does NOT look ready to be moved in two days".  I told him to shut up, with an f-bomb to remind him how easily he might be ready to be removed from the karaoke room at that moment.

Anyway this morning started almost exactly like the beginning to Four Weddings and a Funeral with admittedly less f-bombs but just as much sheer panic at not being able to make it somewhere on time.  As I anxiously awaited Brian to stop searching for our housing online and head to Target to buy more storage bins, I felt suddenly very hot. I went to the closet and raised the blinds on the window before pushing it up to allow fresh air inside.  All of a sudden invisibly my eyesight was knocked out from the left and I recall hearing a splitting sound before a blunt pain barreled me over. I ran out of the closet clutching my left eye.

Apparently the plastic rod which operates the blinds had gotten caught on the window as I forced it up. We have old style windows in this Edwardian house which tend to slam down at their whimsy and seem to like the occasional fight. Well I would end up looking like a prize fighter but not before wondering if I had in fact gone blind. Three hours later we arrived to the E. R. after a hairy trip where my hero nurse Brian managed to drive the wrong way down a one way street in SF before blocking the entrance to the hospital momentarliy as an angry husband with his angrier wife in labor threw more f-bombs at us. F_____!

The flight had to be cancelled of course, and the hostel reservation and the driver in Sydney and so forth.

Yet the gravity of the situation made this seem irrelevant, I foolishly panic texted every friend to alert of the unfolding situation (yeah I am a dramadiva whatever), but also to inform that I may not be gone so soon and would possibly even be taking orders for ice cream from home for a few days. I received three pints thus far.

Luckily the damage is possibly very minor, no need for surgery though initially I was told I had a tear in the cornea. Lots of swelling and the blood which of course is what obstructed any vision. If you have never had the sensation of losing sight in one of your eyes (i.e. staring at it wide open with your opposite eye in the mirror while a darkness shrouds half your face) I do not wish it upon anyone.  Freaky doesn't even start to describe it. Feeling a bit frigthened and more concerned for how this would affect my future I began to run scenarios in my head.

What if I were visually impaired? Could I continue with my trip? Would I become someone new since sight is one of my favorite senses- maybe one eye is enough. Are triathlons even an option? Could I still attend my auditions, no question that I could actually perform? Right? And what about the challenge of crossing the streets of Sydney? People informed me that it is quite a culture shock to be startled by traffic fast approaching you all of a sudden from a new direction.

Let's just say, I was about to lose it a bit here people.

But I slowly gained back my sight, still in pain and recovering. I was fascinated by the anatomical presentation given to me by my otherwise all business opthomalogist. He showed me where the blood collected and how it settles out of the field of vision when one sits up. And just as he had explained, once I lie down the obstruction eases its way back into my sight. It is almost like patterns or fractals, tha is, even when I felt most blinded in those first few hours I could still see movements of shadow.

I will upload a picture of myself tomorrow, and others shall follow. Actually, I've been using the Sony GPS unit quite a bit as you (can't) see. But with one eye open, I feel half-impressed with myself for now to even be able to enter this. cheers, sammy