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Originally posted by PurelyObjectiveIndividual:
I think this is what people mean when they say that four is hardest of all.
When my oldest was going through her terrible twos, a friend warned me that two might be hard, but four was two times two. Boy was she right.
[http://This message has been edited by cb (edited Nov-20-2007).|http://This message has been edited by cb (edited Nov-20-2007).]
I can remember myself yelling at my parents that I hated them. Eventually I got over being mad and things went back to normal. They never discussed it with me. I turned out fine and still have a good relationship with my dad (mom died awhile ago.)
Originally posted by farms100:
Yup! Only about every third day or so as a teenager. Mine even packed a bag with all the things she thought she needed and left it in her closet for whenever she might want to use it. I calmly explained to her that her friends parents have enough to do raising their own children and would not want to:
1) Pay or take her to her snowboarding club.
2) Pay or take her to her private violin lessons.
3) Take her back and forth to soccer practice or track (depending on the season).
4) Put up with her mouth being disrespectful in their house either.
5) Feed her/clothe her/ or help her with her Spanish or math.
6) Would need help around the house and she probably would have to do more then than 1 chore she has to do at my house.
As long as she just wanted to go back and forth to school with no extra activities it might just work out! She glared at me and walked away. Oh well. All this because I told her she needed to do her homework and she didn't feel she should have to do homework if she didn't want to. Be prepared, the behavior comes back with a vengence. The good news is you get to practice your handling skills now! Ahhh....the days of packing up the strawberry shortcake castle and tromping it out to the yard to take with her are fond memories.
This is one thing I have never had to deal with. Our kids were taught from the very beginning that there was no name calling and no saying swear words including hate or stupid. We don´t use the word hate in our house. period. Now, at ages 8 and 10, they know that it is a very powerful word and inappropriate 99% of the time. Name calling (between themselves) is slipping in though, but it is pretty innocuous stuff. They are also allowed to disagree and discuss things with us, it just needs to be done respectfully. As soon as disrespect starts to happen, I shut down the discussion.
Where does a 4 year old learn that anyway? TV?
I guess my point is that this doesn´t have to be a phase.
ETA: to clarify, the phase I was referring to was the actual use of the words ´´I hate you``. It is not the phase of willfulness and anger that is completely normal (and expected). So, yeah, I did hear ``you are being a mean mommy!`` and that was acceptable in my house.
[http://This message has been edited by SloJan (edited Nov-21-2007).|http://This message has been edited by SloJan (edited Nov-21-2007).]
Originally posted by hahaoya:
I'm not making her feel sad about applying her independence. Good grief. I'm breaking her free will? Hahahaha!!
You're a hoot Dervin.
You are invalidating her feelings of anger, causing them to be repressed. As she gets older and you keep this up, I suggest you and your husband sleep in shifts.