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5576 Views 65 Replies Latest reply: Dec 3, 2007 10:32 PM by cb025 RSS 1 2 3 ... 5 Previous Next
LaceyL Rookie 20 posts since
Nov 8, 2004
Currently Being Moderated

Nov 30, 2007 5:14 PM

Reasonable expectations for teens

A couple of our friends came over last night, and we got in to a discussion about teenage drinking.  They all agreed that it is unreasonable to expect that a teenager today will go through high school without drinking alcohol.  Their plans for handling that with their children center around allowing them to do it safely at home with supervision.

What do you think about that?

  • Kawasa Expert 381 posts since
    Aug 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    1. Nov 30, 2007 5:19 PM (in response to LaceyL)
    Re: Reasonable expectations for teens

    I think it's unreasonable to expect that they won't drink but I don't think it's unreasonable for you not to want your child to drink.  The problem is that most kids aren't going to listen to their parents and their parents won't find out, unless something bad happens at which point it would be too late.  I think the parent that allows their kid to drink at home supervised is worse than the parent who just tells their kid not to drink.  You read in the paper all the time about HS parties that were busted that include an interview with a parent. The parents ALWAYS says "I was letting them drink at home and I was watching them so nothing could happen." What you mean like your kids and their friends getting underages and you getting arrested?


    I didn't drink but I think I'm the exception rather than the rule.

  • jek302 Rookie 48 posts since
    Sep 6, 2003
    Currently Being Moderated
    2. Nov 30, 2007 5:27 PM (in response to LaceyL)
    Re: Reasonable expectations for teens

    Well, I think there's a whole bunch of difference between serving your teen a glass of wine with a family meal and letting hir hang out and drink in your home with friends.[/URL" target="_blank">

  • MnD Rookie 122 posts since
    Jan 21, 2005
    Currently Being Moderated
    3. Nov 30, 2007 5:36 PM (in response to LaceyL)
    Re: Reasonable expectations for teens

    quote:


    Originally posted by LaceyL:

    What do you think about that?


     



    Drinking/having sex/smoking pot just doesn't sound as fun if performed while under parental supervision.
    But maybe that's just me.

  • makeda023 Rookie 629 posts since
    Aug 16, 1999
    Currently Being Moderated
    4. Nov 30, 2007 5:58 PM (in response to LaceyL)
    Re: Reasonable expectations for teens

    Do what safely at home?  Have a beer or wine with the folks, or drink with their friends?

  • anaphase081 Rookie 56 posts since
    Nov 4, 2002
    Currently Being Moderated
    6. Dec 2, 2007 2:20 PM (in response to LaceyL)
    Re: Reasonable expectations for teens

    quote:


    Originally posted by LaceyL:

    Drink safely with their friends. The part that gets me is that it seems like a very mixed message- you cannot drink anywher else, but drinking here is fine.


     



    1!! And what do the parents of the friends think? Would they be ok with these people serving their children alcohol?

    I understand the logic of wanting to give your kids a safer place to do what they're going to do anyway, but I couldn't imagine serving alcohol to other kids, even with their parents' consent.

  • bigapplepie Legend 2,455 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    7. Dec 2, 2007 2:22 PM (in response to LaceyL)
    Re: Reasonable expectations for teens

    Let them drink a little at home. With luck they will learn to drink responsibly.

  • makeda023 Rookie 629 posts since
    Aug 16, 1999
    Currently Being Moderated
    8. Dec 20, 2007 6:32 PM (in response to LaceyL)
    Re: Reasonable expectations for teens

    quote:


    Originally posted by LaceyL:

    Drink safely with their friends.


     



    Oh, hells no.

    They just want to be the "cool parents." !http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/rolleyes.gif|src=http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/rolleyes.gif|border=0!

    [http://This message has been edited by makeda (edited Dec-02-2007).|http://This message has been edited by makeda (edited Dec-02-2007).]

  • Currently Being Moderated
    9. Dec 2, 2007 2:29 PM (in response to LaceyL)
    Re: Reasonable expectations for teens

    I can see the rationale (at least we know where they are, can monitor them, etc.) and in a way it's fine for YOUR kids, but do you want to be responsible for their drunken friends, and have to answer to their friends' parents? For me, I know I'd be pretty pissed with the parents who let my kid get drunk in their house without my consent.

    That said, I don't see much wrong with teaching moderation and responsibility when it comes to alcohol....or you could totally freak them out and go shot for shot with them some night. :P

  • wkm99 Rookie 337 posts since
    Jun 30, 2006
    Currently Being Moderated
    10. Dec 2, 2007 3:27 PM (in response to LaceyL)
    Re: Reasonable expectations for teens

    I can't speak for other people's kids but I don't think it's unreasonable to think that my teenagers today will go through HS w/o drinking alcohol.  DH and I don't drink, neither do our friends because it's our lifestyle.  All of our kids' social circle's clean-cut, straight-arrow, high achiever types. The majority of our friends are from church but we have relatives, neighbors and other friends as well. 

    My mom would give my younger brother sips of wine or beer and let him drink tiny amounts of alcohol at home but I personally disagreed with that.    I thought it was very wrong and according to how they raised him to this day he's a social misfit.  I'm not implying it's because my mom let him sip liquor at home but it's everything ~ sneaking liquor at home in front of her which is illegal and underage, no ties with other people who are sincerely good, no social life, no community service, no volunteerism, no sports, no setting fine examples, no peace and stability at home.  My parents drank but not like fish.  I considered my upbringing very mentally unhealthy.  My siblings have difficulty getting along with others similar to my parents in a way.  It took me a long time to change my ways and escape from that kind of lifestyle. 

    My family (DH and kids) have an entirely different lifestyle and our home life is very proper, no foul language, very decent. My kids continue to thrive and have turned out much better than I ever did, same thing with my siblings. My kids had a great childhood and stable upbringing filled with lots of love, faith, and respect which was sorely lacking in my childhood.

    I know it's a scary world out there but my kids know who to hang out with, whom they're comfortable with and it will carry over into adulthood.  Drugs and alcohol are not part of their crowd or our crowd.  Good-two-shoes over here.    I'm not passing judgement on whether other people drink or not.  I'm only saying that this is our preference for our lifestyle.

  • Mom of Scooby Rookie 38 posts since
    Sep 8, 2006
    Currently Being Moderated
    11. Dec 20, 2007 6:32 PM (in response to LaceyL)
    Re: Reasonable expectations for teens

    In my case, with my son currently and with my daughter before she graduated high school, we, both parent and child have to sign a substance abuse contract and there is 3 levels of penalties, the first being missing 4 games in a season of your sport or activity.

    If I served my son alcohol at home, not only would I be breaking the law, but what would I be teaching my son about upholding a signed agreement?

    Do I believe he will drink? Yeah.. I am sure he already has. Does he go out and get drunk and look for parties every weekend? Nope. He's not usually out at those type of events, although lot's of the kids in his class are. I don't believe he has ever been "drunk" and even when he visited my daughter he just had a few sips of beer.

    My daughter is 20 and a junior in college. I have gotten her beer twice since she has been 20. Do I feel good about it? Nope. I really don't, but I knew she would get it anyhow, at 20, she obviously knows plenty of friends who are 21 and it was safer and more convenient for me to do it.

    That's a long winded answer to no. I do not think that letting the kids drink at home is the wise way to handle this.

    [http://This message has been edited by Mom of Scooby (edited Dec-02-2007).|http://This message has been edited by Mom of Scooby (edited Dec-02-2007).]

  • CLB018 Rookie 91 posts since
    Nov 1, 2006
    Currently Being Moderated
    12. Dec 2, 2007 5:51 PM (in response to LaceyL)
    Re: Reasonable expectations for teens

    I don't think it's reasonable for parents to sponsor teen drinking parties at home for their kids' friends still in high school, no.

    To begin with, you'd have to get a signature from each of the other kids' parents that you're all ok with them breaking the law, which in fact, you are, and which in fact, wouldn't protect anyone if legal action is taken. Providing alcohol to a minor is a really bad rap to go forward in life with.

    Letting your own kids have a serving of adult beverage is optional.

  • gebuh Rookie 85 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    13. Dec 2, 2007 6:25 PM (in response to LaceyL)
    Re: Reasonable expectations for teens

    it's a parent's job to make rules, it's a kid's to break them.  Whatever limitations you put on them you can expect them to go a foot farther.  so tell your kids they can't drink, they might sneak some alcohol at some point.  Tell your kids they can drink in your home, they'll drink at home AND outside of it.

  • MnD Rookie 122 posts since
    Jan 21, 2005
    Currently Being Moderated
    14. Dec 2, 2007 6:26 PM (in response to LaceyL)
    Re: Reasonable expectations for teens

    Regarding everyone going on and on about "breaking the law"

    In many states underage drinking is legal with parental consent in a privately owned residence.
    http://www.alcoholpolicy.niaaa.nih.gov/stateprofiles/[/URL" target="_blank">

    For example Colorado:
    Underage Consumption of Alcohol
    Consumption is prohibited WITH THE FOLLOWING EXCEPTION(S):
    • private location AND
      •   parent/guardian presence or consent

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