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18487 Views 248 Replies Latest reply: Feb 23, 2008 8:38 AM by Tymberlynn RSS Go to original post 1 2 3 4 ... 17 Previous Next
  • monster2077 Rookie 27 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    15. Dec 7, 2007 9:20 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    Actually a quick search reveals that you address a woman with her own name...    Yay.  That is how I sent out my wedding invites to couples in my situation, it just felt right. 

  • justplayin104078 Amateur 69 posts since
    Nov 1, 2006
    Currently Being Moderated
    16. Dec 7, 2007 9:21 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by luckylily:


    The thing that really blurs the line for me is things like fundraiser events where the husband is not invited/attending.


     



    they should just call you by your real name! is that rude?? why?

  • luckylily Rookie 242 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    17. Dec 7, 2007 9:22 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by justplayin104:


    I understand what etiquette means, what i dont understand is why you should be addressed by your husbands name and not your own...

    your answer would be a polite social trend - etiquette. But there's no logic/sense involved.


     



    sigh

    I suppose you think Thank You notes are a "polite social trend"?

    Etiquette is tradition and form. The OP asked what the proper etiquette was and I answered.

    You can scoff at etiquette all you like. It doesn't make you hip or cool. It just makes you come off as crude and ill-mannered.

  • RioG Rookie 199 posts since
    Apr 1, 2004
    Currently Being Moderated
    18. Dec 7, 2007 9:23 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by Chris the Wheeler:

    Tradition works.  /B





    This "tradition" is based on an out-dated patriarchal society in which a woman was a man's posession. She was not considered a person until she was married and became her husbands posession.

    I'm keeping my name. Not because I particularly like it, and not because I feel any particular bond with my fathers family, but because I am not at all interested in continuing on the "tradition" that I am not my own person. Thanks but no thanks.

    I haven't figured out what to do about future kids yet.

  • RioG Rookie 199 posts since
    Apr 1, 2004
    Currently Being Moderated
    19. Dec 7, 2007 9:28 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by luckylily:

    sigh

    I suppose you think Thank You notes are a "polite social trend"?

    Etiquette is tradition and form. The OP asked what the proper etiquette was and I answered.

    You can scoff at etiquette all you like. It doesn't make you hip or cool. It just makes you come off as crude and ill-mannered.





    I don't know... I can see where justplayin is coming from. Etiquette is definitely a sign of good manners, but in this case, why not combine the good manners with respect for the womans decision to retain her given name upon marriage? If you "socially" address her as Mrs. DH it seems to me you are perpetuating the old patriarchal traditions which kept women under lock and key.

    Just my take on it.  I'm Ms. RioG and will remain Ms. RioG until the day I die - or perhaps until the day names become blended and men are willing to become Mr. RioG-surname.

  • Patti36 Rookie 6 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    20. Dec 7, 2007 9:35 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    I kept my name.  I use the salutation Ms. I really really love my given name.

    Usually I get invitations and thank you notes as Mrs. my husband's name and I have no problem with that.

    My son's last night is the same as my husbands.  The only time it was an issue was when he was born.  The hospital identified him as Baby Pendexter so that they could match us up.  This did not sit well with the in-laws.

  • maryk071 Rookie 164 posts since
    Dec 5, 2002
    Currently Being Moderated
    21. Dec 7, 2007 9:38 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    What do married lesbians do? Or married gay men, for that matter?

    I don't like the tradition of taking the husband's name, but I do see the value in everyone in the family having the same last name. It shows the outside world that we're together. I just wish there were a more equitable way to do this.

  • justplayin104078 Amateur 69 posts since
    Nov 1, 2006
    Currently Being Moderated
    22. Dec 7, 2007 9:41 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by luckylily:


    You can scoff at etiquette all you like. It doesn't make you hip or cool. It just makes you come off as crude and ill-mannered.


     



    out of habit i always give a "please" and "thank you ma'am." Shows appreciation.

    but i dont think i'd gave my name away!  That would show appreciation/respect/what.... servitude? how polite!

  • Longrun4fun007 Rookie 213 posts since
    Feb 9, 2006
    Currently Being Moderated
    23. Dec 7, 2007 9:46 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by Chris the Wheeler:

    Tradition.... What's wrong with tradition?


     




    But I think it's going a little too far when you make her also answer to "gimp".


    ----



    Sure, a woman can fake an orgasm, but it takes a man to fake a whole relationship.

  • hysimmonds045 Rookie 16 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    24. Dec 7, 2007 9:50 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    I took my DH's last name and have no regrets whatsoever.  I am his in almost all aspects and that was just another way to show how much I love him and his family.  I moved my maiden name to my middle name but rarely use it.

    Plus in the very unlikely event that we do get divorced, I'll still have his surname to cause havoc/slander with 

  • Chris the Wheeler019 Rookie 187 posts since
    Nov 1, 2006
    Currently Being Moderated
    25. Dec 7, 2007 9:52 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by Longrun4fun:


    But I think it's going a little too far when you make her also answer to "gimp".


     

    It's that or wench.

  • HDH Amateur 332 posts since
    Aug 19, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    26. Dec 7, 2007 9:56 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by justplayin104:

    I'm a guy and I've never quite understood why anybody would want to take my name. I didn't fall in love with Mrs. justplayin. I fell in love with you.. whoever you are. You are not mine... I would almost prefer she not take my last name bc there's no reason behind it except that everybody's doin it...

    !http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/confused.gif|src=http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/confused.gif|border=0!


     



    and all the hastle to do it, I will never understand why a woman would want to chagne her identity to be based upon mine. I dated one woman who hated her ex so much, she chagned back to her maiden name. I just married in April and my DW changed hers to get rid of the ex-'s.

    SO much legal hastle we still carry the marriage license with us so regadless of what name is on a reservation or credit card, she can prove she is one in the same

    ----



    hdh[/URL" target="_blank">

  • Arrojo070 Amateur 273 posts since
    Apr 4, 2001
    Currently Being Moderated
    27. Dec 7, 2007 10:01 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by Chris the Wheeler:

    Tradition.... What's wrong with tradition?


     



    Because it's based on an outdated patriarchal notion that a wife is the husband's property and they have no need for their own identity.  Many men feel threatened by the loss of this bastion of the paternal world and cling to these antiquated notions.

  • RioG Rookie 199 posts since
    Apr 1, 2004
    Currently Being Moderated
    28. Dec 7, 2007 10:02 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by Arrojo:

    Because it's based on an outdated patriarchal notion that a wife is the husband's property and they have no need for their own identity. Many men feel threatened by the loss of this bastion of the paternal world and cling to these antiquated notions.


     



    Arrojo, you are awesome. 

  • Diane95 Rookie 181 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    29. Dec 7, 2007 10:06 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by maryk:

    What do married lesbians do? Or married gay men, for that matter?

    I don't like the tradition of taking the husband's name, but I do see the value in everyone in the family having the same last name. It shows the outside world that we're together. I just wish there were a more equitable way to do this.




    Oddly enough, gay people are just as diverse as straight people!! Who'da thunk it. !http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/wink.gif|src=http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/wink.gif|border=0!

    We kept our names and the kids are hyphenated.  Among our lesbian friends, we know couples in which one has taken the other's name, where they've kept their names and the kids have just one person's last name, where everybody hyphenated, and where they've changed the last name completely for everyone.    Among our straight friends, we've seen the same array of options, actually, now that I think about it.

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