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20128 Views 248 Replies Latest reply: Feb 23, 2008 8:38 AM by Tymberlynn Go to original post 1 2 3 4 5 ... 17 Previous Next
  • PurelyObjectiveIndividual Rookie 59 posts since
    Aug 11, 2003
    Currently Being Moderated
    30. Dec 7, 2007 10:21 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    I kept mine. I only get irritated when I get mail to Mrs. DH when the people know I kept my own name and are just choosing to be aholes.

  • Lintu Rookie 191 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    31. Dec 7, 2007 10:22 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    I took my husband's last name.  I think it was mostly because I was tired of my maiden name, which was somewhat unusual and rhymed with annoying things.  I prefer Ms. to Mrs. because I don't feel old enough to be a Mrs.

  • makeda023 Rookie 629 posts since
    Aug 16, 1999
    Currently Being Moderated
    32. Dec 7, 2007 10:25 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by Chris the Wheeler:

    And what about the offspring? Will they have both names?

    "This is my son: Micheal Sullivan/Smith." What if Micheal meets and marries Sally Wesson/Jones?

    "Ladies and Gentlemen, the bride and groom Mr. & Ms Micheal Sullivan/Smith/Wesson/Jones... " Seems a little silly.


     



    God.  How many more decades are we going to suffer this stupid example?

  • rlemert Pro 250 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    33. Dec 7, 2007 10:25 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    My wife kept her name because she saw no reason to change it. Neither did I. After all, I wasn't dating xxx Lemert.

    There have been a couple of times over the years that she's been tempted to change her mind, though - usually when the credit agencies screw up her file. She has a very common last name, and she's convinced the credit agencies use it as their 'garbage can' when they can't figure out who the information really applies to. I've never (knock on wood) had trouble with my reports.

    As for children, Marilyn vos Savant (iirc) (of "Ask Marylin" in the Parade Sunday magazine) suggested that sons be given the father's name, daughter's the mother's. This way each would actually have their own identity instead of a "place-marker designating future property status".

      Also, there's nothing sacred about traditions. They start because someone thinks there's a good reason to do what someone else did before, and they can stop whenever someone disagrees with that reason. New traditions can begin the same way.

  • Chris the Wheeler019 Rookie 187 posts since
    Nov 1, 2006
    Currently Being Moderated
    34. Dec 7, 2007 11:16 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by Arrojo:

    Because it's based on an outdated patriarchal notion that a wife is the husband's property and they have no need for their own identity. Many men feel threatened by the loss of this bastion of the paternal world and cling to these antiquated notions.


     



    quote:


    Originally posted by rlemert:

    As for children, Marilyn vos Savant (iirc) (of "Ask Marylin" in the Parade Sunday magazine) suggested that sons be given the father's name, daughter's the mother's. This way each would actually have their own identity instead of a "place-marker designating future property status".

    Also, there's nothing sacred about traditions. They start because someone thinks there's a good reason to do what someone else did before, and they can stop whenever someone disagrees with that reason. New traditions can begin the same way.


     

    You guys spend way to much time thinking about this type of stuff.

  • BonitaApplebum Rookie 298 posts since
    Aug 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    35. Dec 7, 2007 11:18 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    Didn't change my name. Wasn't an option. I asked my fiance how he felt about the idea of changing HIS name after marriage and he was like "oh HELL no". And I said "well, that's the way I feel, too, sweetie" and it was the end of the discussion.  !http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/smile.gif|src=http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/smile.gif|border=0!

    I don't really mind being addressed socially as Mrs. Hislastname, though. It kind of makes me roll my eyes but it's certainly not a hill I'm picking to die on.

    Things have gotten a little tricky now that DD is in preschool, the teacher asked me how I would like to be addressed by the children (it's a cooperative preschool so I'll be helping in the classroom sometimes). DD's name is Natalie Mylastname Hislastname. The teacher said it would be easier for the kids to understand if they called me Mrs. Hislastname, which I think is a load of BS b/c I dont' think they have the faintest idea what Natalie's last name is... but again, not a battle I really care about. I'm sure they'll just call me Mom Lady anyway. 

    :: Bonita

  • Jamers04 Amateur 162 posts since
    Jul 24, 2001
    Currently Being Moderated
    36. Dec 7, 2007 11:49 AM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    Coincidentally, the man I plan to marry and I have the same surname.  I hate my last name and looked forward to getting married so I can ditch it.  (apparently God does have a sense of humor!)

    Not being able to ditch it forced me to confront the issue intellectually.  I object to the patriarchal roots of the name-change tradition, but if I could change my name to my husband's I would.  Symbols are negotiable; to me and anyone I'd agree to marry, the last name is symbol of family and not of subservience.

  • gebuh Rookie 85 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    37. Dec 25, 2007 1:57 PM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    This is french for "I don't like to change things that work to my benefit or don't cause me  to expend any effort"

    I didn't change my last name. When we got married I was in the Air Force- no way I was going to get all new name tags, besides I like my last name. My kids are hyphenated, that was kind of a pain though.
    Even after 20 odd years my mother refuses to go with the program, she addresses all stuff to us with "Mr and Mrs evilG" evilG's_last_name. Anything monogrammed she sends us has his name on it.
    I don't care if anybody calls me by his last name, when the girls were in school, the teachers called me by the hyphenated name, my kids' friends all called me "miniG's Mom".

    quote:


    Originally posted by Chris the Wheeler:

    Tradition.... What's wrong with tradition?

    ................

    Tradition works.


     





    [http://This message has been edited by gebuh (edited Dec-07-2007).|http://This message has been edited by gebuh (edited Dec-07-2007).]

  • c a n t e r Rookie 16 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    38. Dec 7, 2007 12:15 PM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    I had no intention of changing my last name, but I ended up marrying a guy with such an awesome last name that I couldn't resist. 

  • RunsInGA Rookie 60 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    39. Dec 25, 2007 1:57 PM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by rlemert:

    As for children, Marilyn vos Savant (iirc) (of "Ask Marylin" in the Parade Sunday magazine) suggested that sons be given the father's name, daughter's the mother's. This way each would actually have their own identity instead of a "place-marker designating future property status".


     



    This is exactly what I plan on doing :-)

    ETA: Here's the Ask Marilyn answer that I love !http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/biggrin.gif|src=http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/biggrin.gif|border=0!

    "Why is it so much more likely that parents will give a son his father’s first name than give a daughter her mother’s first name?
    —Kary Anne Tamblyn, Ellicott City, Md.

    Daughters are not reared as independent individuals with lifelong surnames, so giving a girl only her mother’s first name is mostly pointless. It’s the combination of a first name and a surname that creates an identity.

    Boys and girls both start life with their father’s last name. But girls usually drop their surname when they get married, changing to the name of their father-in-law. I believe both men and women should keep their premarital surnames throughout life. When they get married and have children, sons would take their father’s surname, and daughters would take their mother’s surname. The benefit to girls and women would be enormous while costing boys and men nothing—except the fun of claiming ownership of the opposite sex!"

    [http://This message has been edited by RunsInGA (edited Dec-07-2007).|http://This message has been edited by RunsInGA (edited Dec-07-2007).]

  • Ive got a crush on you Rookie 152 posts since
    Feb 2, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    40. Dec 7, 2007 12:32 PM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    Excuse me? Do some of you people truly believe any woman bearing their husband's name is her husband's property? IMO, taking my DH's last name is more like what's his IS MINE NOW thing.  !http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/wink.gif|src=http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/wink.gif|border=0!

    And our kids bearing his last name signifies that I'm not a single mom, and that they have a father present in their lives who is primarily responsible for their well-being, education, etc.

  • BonitaApplebum Rookie 298 posts since
    Aug 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    41. Dec 7, 2007 12:43 PM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by Ive got a crush on you:

    And our kids bearing his last name signifies that I'm not a single mom, and that they have a father present in their lives who is primarily responsible for their well-being, education, etc.


     



    Wow, who knew my kids were missing out on so much?

    :: Bonita

  • BrettBH Rookie 40 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    42. Dec 7, 2007 12:46 PM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    My wife kept her last name for all the same reason listed above. We went traditional with our kid's last names, we both felt that hyphens are some type of convoluted attempt to pass on identity baggage. It was SO's option on which name to use.

    Now that both kids are in school, SO looked into taking my last name for ease of ID. We found that since she signed the marriage cert with her maiden name it will take a complete court approved name change process to accomplish this. If she had signed it using my last name, it would have been a simple process of a few forms.

    My suggestion would be if there is any chance of changing, sign the marriage cert. using that name.

  • Ive got a crush on you Rookie 152 posts since
    Feb 2, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    43. Dec 7, 2007 12:48 PM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by BonitaApplebum:

    Wow, who knew my kids were missing out on so much?

    :: Bonita


     



    They're not. But you're opening a hole where they could. !http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/wink.gif|src=http://www.coolrunning.com/forums/wink.gif|border=0!

    Hey, I have my reasons for using my dh's last name, and so do you.

  • bigapplepie Legend 2,455 posts since
    Dec 14, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    44. Dec 7, 2007 12:49 PM (in response to Aldo1105)
    Re: Ladies, married without name change?

    quote:


    Originally posted by Diane95:

    Oddly enough, gay people are just as diverse as straight people!!


     


    True.

    !http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1328/538840653_452839dd1c_o.jpg|src=http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1328/538840653_452839dd1c_o.jpg|border=0!

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