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168180 Views 749 Replies Latest reply: Sep 16, 2011 1:06 PM by runnerJ824 RSS Go to original post 1 2 3 4 5 ... 50 Previous Next
  • FormerBAM We're Not Worthy 4,378 posts since
    Aug 21, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    30. Feb 2, 2009 9:18 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

    re berkeley video:

     

     

    OMG, Mike, just got around to watching this one!  I am doubling over at the stupidity!!!  Dude, and I thought marijuana was the harmless drug.  So many brain cells wasted in that town...

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    What effin' hilariously idiotic morons!  Un-f*cking-believable...  Seriously...

  • FormerBAM We're Not Worthy 4,378 posts since
    Aug 21, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    31. Feb 2, 2009 9:18 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:

     

    40-ish...............................49.

     

    Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone.

    Athletic..............................No breasts.

    Average looking....................Moooo.

    Beautiful......................Pathological liar.

    Emotionally Secure................On medication.

    Feminist...............................Fat.

    Free spirit............................Junkie.

    Friendship first......................Former ****.

    New-Age............................Body hair in the wrong places.

    Old-fashioned......................No BJs.

    Open-minded.......................Desperate.

    Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing.

    Professional.........................*****.

    Voluptuous........................Very Fat.

    Large frame...........................Hugely Fat.

    Wants Soul mate..................Stalker.

     

     

     

    DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

     

     

     

     

    1. Yes = No

     

     

     

    2. No = Yes

    3. Maybe = No

    4. We need = I want

    5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry

    6. We need to talk = You're in trouble

    7. Sure, go ahead = You better not

    8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later

     

     

     

    9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

    10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

     

     

     

    DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

     

     

     

    1. I am hungry = I am hungry

     

     

     

    2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

    3. I am tired = I am tired

    4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

    5. I love you = Let's have sex now

    6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

    7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

    8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

    9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

    10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

    11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit. = I'm gay.

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Holy ****, Mike, where do you get this stuff?  Aren't belly laughs good for your health?  I hope so, because I am dying here.  These are hilarious.

     

     

       

     

     

  • Myblueeyedgurl Community Moderator 3,358 posts since
    Nov 19, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    34. Feb 2, 2009 10:17 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

    That's just not right, Mike! LMAO





    "You won?t lag behind, because you?ll have the speed. You?ll pass the whole gang and you?ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you?ll be the best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest. " - - Dr. Seuss
  • cplmtz0121 We're Not Worthy 2,455 posts since
    Nov 1, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    36. Feb 2, 2009 10:38 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Dear Husband,

    I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been ****. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today, and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore -- whatever the case, I'm gone.

     

    PS: If you're trying to find me, don't. Joe and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life!

     

    Your Ex-Wife

     

    Dear Ex-Wife,

     

    Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week -- the first thing that came to mind was, "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with Joe, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that Joe had just borrowed $50 from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for $10 million, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that with the letter you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

     

    PS: I don't know if I ever told you this, but Joe, my best friend, was born "Joanne." I hope that's not a problem.

     

    Signed, Rich As **** & Free!

     

     





    Hard-charging motivating Devil Dog

  • cplmtz0121 We're Not Worthy 2,455 posts since
    Nov 1, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    37. Feb 2, 2009 10:47 AM (in response to cplmtz0121)
    Re: Daily Humor

    LIFE IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA     San Diego, California...  A Highway Patrolman pulled a car over and told the driver that because he had been wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in the statewide safety competition. "What are you going to do with the money?" asked the patrolman.  "Well, I guess I'm going to get a driver's license," he

    answered.  "Oh, don't listen to him," yelled a woman in the passenger seat...  "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."  This woke up the guy in the back seat who took one look at the cop and moaned, " I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car." At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said..."Are we over the border yet?"





    Hard-charging motivating Devil Dog

  • Myblueeyedgurl Community Moderator 3,358 posts since
    Nov 19, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    38. Feb 2, 2009 12:39 PM (in response to cplmtz0121)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Very nice Jesus!





    "You won?t lag behind, because you?ll have the speed. You?ll pass the whole gang and you?ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you?ll be the best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest. " - - Dr. Seuss
  • cplmtz0121 We're Not Worthy 2,455 posts since
    Nov 1, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    39. Feb 2, 2009 1:16 PM (in response to Myblueeyedgurl)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Myblueeyedgurl wrote:

    Very nice Jesus!

     

     

     

    That's what she said...  

     

     





    Hard-charging motivating Devil Dog

  • Myblueeyedgurl Community Moderator 3,358 posts since
    Nov 19, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    40. Feb 2, 2009 2:23 PM (in response to cplmtz0121)
    Re: Daily Humor

    Silly boys in here!





    "You won?t lag behind, because you?ll have the speed. You?ll pass the whole gang and you?ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you?ll be the best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest. " - - Dr. Seuss
  • FormerBAM We're Not Worthy 4,378 posts since
    Aug 21, 2007
    Currently Being Moderated
    43. Feb 3, 2009 6:39 AM (in response to MikeDaMarine08)
    Re: Daily Humor

     

    Good one!  Nice way to start the day, a big laugh!!

     

     

    Now if only my husband had remembered to buy coffee yesterday...   I can't take it!  I need caffeine!

     

     

     

     

     

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